BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: Oh yeah?How soon??
BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
WOMAN: You remind me of the sea.
MAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
WOMAN: NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Johnny: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Johnny: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Johnny: "A teacher".
Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer: "What other colors do you have?"
Asked how old his dad is, a boy replied: My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!"
Sam: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Sam: "She's a woman".
Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student: "Brotherly love".
Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam: "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher: ?Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher: ?George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: ?Because George still had the axe in is hand."
k i know u all might be knowing most of them... well what to do i didn't find anything other to post.. lolzzzz
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: Oh yeah?How soon??
BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
WOMAN: You remind me of the sea.
MAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
WOMAN: NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Johnny: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Johnny: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Johnny: "A teacher".
Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer: "What other colors do you have?"
Asked how old his dad is, a boy replied: My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!"
Sam: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Sam: "She's a woman".
Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student: "Brotherly love".
Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam: "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher: ?Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher: ?George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: ?Because George still had the axe in is hand."
k i know u all might be knowing most of them... well what to do i didn't find anything other to post.. lolzzzz
