When all the pain inside you is wiped out clean!!

red dragon

red dragon

Justiceforall
Skilled
I'm not a romantic person by any stretch of imagination. So is my partner/ wife, she is even colder compared to me when it comes to romance ( we simply don't know what does it even mean at an emotional level)
For example our ideal date is a good dinner followed by a game of chess ( the inevitable of course happens normally, but chess is more important)
My ex wife formally left me and the paperworks were completed sometime in February years ago. I didn't even remember the date, but possibly told my wife long back.
Today morning I found a platinum ring in my morning coffee ( which I almost swallowed)!!
It was 4th February I also lost custody of my daughter years ago, but this strange gesture just floored me ( Len is very bad with remembering dates, but she didn't this time...)...never felt like this before... NEVER!! It's not the crazy expensive ring, but this silent gesture...for some reason can't upload a picture..will do from the computer.
 
nRiTeCh said:
Not willing to poke into personals but why did your first wife left you... was she Indian or foreign national?
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I want to share my friends experience here when he was working in Lion, France 2 years ago though he is married now , got married last May,12,2020 successfully and I am happy for him.
When he was working for IBM as SE in Lion he was eager to return to India to get married and when ever he mentions the word marriage all the local software engineers laugh at him it seems saying that there is no need to marry and they just live together and when they think they need to get married only they marry. But my friend adamantly supported our culture saying that marriage plays an important role in our culture. I mean I was in awe in how much advanced they are really in every field but in these matters they are not. Just sharing some gossip here friends.
 
nRiTeCh said:
Not willing to poke into personals but why did your first wife left you... was she Indian or foreign national?
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No, she is Indian, classmate from Medical school..why..I really don't know, it was a very sudden blow. Possibly my life choices ( choosing adventure over a proper career) We got married very early ( just before internship, at the age of 24 we were so naive..)
She's a wonderful independent woman, doing great in her professional life, she's in MES and possibly became the youngest professor in history of MES!! Never re- married, dedicated her whole life to medical education. Still publishes great papers frequently. Weird thing..my ex and present actually are good friends, they talks for hours over phone ( and Len never tells me what they talk about.. possibly child care etc..they are in different fields of medicine)
Except her abrupt walking out with our daughter ( her mother is taking very good care of her) and one particular thing ( won't write about it) I have absolutely nothing against my ex. Only sad thing, we can never be friends again ever and that's a major regret.
Honestly, IMHO marriage is grossly overrated. Unless you have a kid, there's no point in marriage..it just makes life difficult for both the individuals.
 
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red dragon said:
No, she is Indian, classmate from Medical school..why..I really don't know, it was a very sudden blow. Possibly my life choices ( choosing adventure over a proper career) We got married very early ( just before internship, at the age of 24 we were so naive..)
She's a wonderful independent woman, doing great in her professional life, she's in MES and possibly became the youngest professor in history of MES!! Never re- married, dedicated her whole life to medical education. Still publishes great papers frequently. Weird thing..my ex and present actually are good friends, they talks for hours over phone ( and Len never tells me what they talk about.. possibly child care etc..they are in different fields of medicine)
Except her abrupt walking out with our daughter ( her mother is taking very good care of her) and one particular thing ( won't write about it) I have absolutely nothing against my ex. Only sad thing, we can never be friends again ever and that's a major regret.
Honestly, IMHO marriage is grossly overrated. Unless you have a kid, there's no point in marriage..it just makes life difficult for both the individuals.
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Can understand..
Yes it difficult to be a friend with your ex wife or gf and this emotion is from both ends as the events will keep revolving and also become fresh once you start to be in touch and then the further confusions coupled with complexities.
Dont know how Len and your ex came in touch but if its going good between them and that you do not wish to or bother poke nose in their biz is a good part.

As for your last point I would not agree with it about marriages being only about having kids etc.

In current stressed over-paced world, couples have started living alone without any child fearing time dedication and attention issues.
What happens is the kids grand parents become their new parents and they are bundled with so much responsibilities...poor parents, this should never be done. Its the couples responsibility to make time for their kids rather than plainly handing over them to the grand parents.
 
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nRiTeCh said:
Can understand..
Yes it difficult to be a friend with your ex wife or gf and this emotion is from both ends as the events will keep revolving and also become fresh once you start to be in touch and then the further confusions coupled with complexities.
Dont know how Len and your ex came in touch but if its going good between them and you dont bother or poke nose in their biz thats a good part.
As for your last point I wont gree with it about marriages being only about having kids etc.

In current stressed over-paced world, couples have started living alone without any child fearing time dedication and attention issues.
What happens is the kids grand parents become their new parents and they are bundled with so much responsibilities...poor parents, this should never be done. Its the couples responsibility to make time for their kids rather than plainly handing over them to the grand parents.
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Sometimes the children are handed over to grand parents and taken back when the spouse realizes their mistakes but in the meantime the child or children get bonded with their grand parents and it becomes a painful process to see them go again with their mothers.

The parents should realize that a child is a human being and should be responsible with them. And when separating them from their grand parents again is painful.

So the parents needs to be extra cautious with their actions not to cause pain to anybody.


At least parents are not older like the grand parents who might be 70+ when these kinds of things happen and can be a burden to mental fitness as well.
 
You both have very valid points. But what else could we do? We can't take the kid to Africa!!
Len's parents were our only option.
We try to have video calls with the kid everyday ( so far everyday)
Len and I were in the same trainee group, all of them ( my group members) know my ex wife as they often used to come to our rented flat in Vienna ( I was the only one with family at that time)
My ex liked /likes Len way before we got closer. Len doesn't cook much, my ex was teaching her.
My wife called me once (after seperation) when our son was born to congratulate us. She seemed genuinely happy and told me that she's glad that I found another nomad at heart!!
AMG said:
Is this @Being.smart 's alt?
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If this thread is not appropriate for this forum, please delete it@ mods, as I can't.
 
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