IndiaMike walks up to Laloo Prasad Yadav who is standing in his field in Bihar and staring up somewhere. IndiaMike waits patiently for Laloo so that he can ask his advice on how to kick out political yakkety yaks from his forum. Gives up after a long time and he himself walks up to Laloo and says "Arre Bhai Laloo, why have you been standing out here in the field for so long?'' to which Laloo replies "Arre Big Paneer, I heard they give the Nobel prize to people out standing in their fields, if this is all I have to do, well...."
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Rabri (Laloo’s wife) dies and reaches St.Peter’s office.
The office is filled with millions of clocks! St.Peter explains Rabri that for every person on earth there is a clock at his office. Each time he tells a lie, the needle moves a step. When the person dies and comes there the clock is used as the reference to send them to hell or heaven.
The curious Rabri wants to see Laloo’s clock. St.Peter says it’s taken to the Jesus’s office. Puzzled Rabri asks why.
St.Peter replies “Oh. He’s using it as a ceiling fan !â€
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The Worst Day
A little guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?"
"Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."
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And now a joke
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, Turner Brown". The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to conscoiusness by slapping his face and shaking him, and then asks the small guy. "What`s wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said `Turn around'
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TechHead posted 1.78 minutes later:
I imagined what would happen if those two cows are taken to different Indian states.
KERALA
People teach the cows that milking is inhuman capitalist exploitation by the cow owner. Also the owner has the obligation to feed them for lifetime. And he land up in having two cows and buy milk from Tamilnadu to feed his children.
The cows are busy shouting the communist slogan “Milking cows of the world, Unite !!!â€
TAMILNADU
They want Karnataka state to release water (200000 liters a day) due for the 2 cows.
KARNATAKA
They teach the cows C++ and Java. They are panic about the forecasted a severe shortage of manpower in the near future.
MAHARASHTRA
They ban the cow slaughter to motivate the Bulls in the Bombay Stock exchange to start running.
GUJARAT
They’ll buy milk from the local milk producing society to feed the cows. And say it is a good example of how local co-operative societies and the corporate world can co exists. Then invite rich cows from the entire world to come and invest in Gujarat.
BIHAR
They will setup a ministry to look after the two cows. The account books shows they’ve bought fodder in tons to feed the two cows. At the end the cows die of starvation.
UP
They’ll install cows as traffic junction. Also they’ll use cow as barricade to regulate vehicle traffic.
PUNJAB
The All Punjab Buffalo Association will go on strike asking for new legislation to prevent outsourcing milk from the two cows. Also they will bring evidence that cow milk can cause cancer.
DELHI
They’ll make the cow ‘shining’ and say that the cow is ‘feeling good’
ANDHRA
They blame the cow for the recent mine blast saying that it was a coward act.
J&K
The cows will be issued with photo identity cards. And declare that return of the cows to the state is yet another proof that the state is coming back to normalcy. If a cow is shot dead in a cross fire, they will say that it is a Pakistani cow and tried to infiltrate into India.
**********************************************************
Rabri (Laloo’s wife) dies and reaches St.Peter’s office.
The office is filled with millions of clocks! St.Peter explains Rabri that for every person on earth there is a clock at his office. Each time he tells a lie, the needle moves a step. When the person dies and comes there the clock is used as the reference to send them to hell or heaven.
The curious Rabri wants to see Laloo’s clock. St.Peter says it’s taken to the Jesus’s office. Puzzled Rabri asks why.
St.Peter replies “Oh. He’s using it as a ceiling fan !â€
**********************************************************
The Worst Day
A little guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?"
"Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."
**********************************************************
And now a joke
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, Turner Brown". The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to conscoiusness by slapping his face and shaking him, and then asks the small guy. "What`s wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said `Turn around'
**********************************************************
TechHead posted 1.78 minutes later:
I imagined what would happen if those two cows are taken to different Indian states.
KERALA
People teach the cows that milking is inhuman capitalist exploitation by the cow owner. Also the owner has the obligation to feed them for lifetime. And he land up in having two cows and buy milk from Tamilnadu to feed his children.
The cows are busy shouting the communist slogan “Milking cows of the world, Unite !!!â€
TAMILNADU
They want Karnataka state to release water (200000 liters a day) due for the 2 cows.
KARNATAKA
They teach the cows C++ and Java. They are panic about the forecasted a severe shortage of manpower in the near future.
MAHARASHTRA
They ban the cow slaughter to motivate the Bulls in the Bombay Stock exchange to start running.
GUJARAT
They’ll buy milk from the local milk producing society to feed the cows. And say it is a good example of how local co-operative societies and the corporate world can co exists. Then invite rich cows from the entire world to come and invest in Gujarat.
BIHAR
They will setup a ministry to look after the two cows. The account books shows they’ve bought fodder in tons to feed the two cows. At the end the cows die of starvation.
UP
They’ll install cows as traffic junction. Also they’ll use cow as barricade to regulate vehicle traffic.
PUNJAB
The All Punjab Buffalo Association will go on strike asking for new legislation to prevent outsourcing milk from the two cows. Also they will bring evidence that cow milk can cause cancer.
DELHI
They’ll make the cow ‘shining’ and say that the cow is ‘feeling good’
ANDHRA
They blame the cow for the recent mine blast saying that it was a coward act.
J&K
The cows will be issued with photo identity cards. And declare that return of the cows to the state is yet another proof that the state is coming back to normalcy. If a cow is shot dead in a cross fire, they will say that it is a Pakistani cow and tried to infiltrate into India.
