lecameleon
Disciple
Hokay,...... proud owner of an Asus kpge-d16 mobo and like my friends would tell you, I am proud of it even if it makes me blue in the face every hour or so. (It used to be one minute, thanks to the query last year about my system hangs every minute which no one could possibly help me with - turned out to be a RAM setting which caused my frequent apoplexy).
So what does the little genius do when he finds that the creative audigy thingy does not work well with the mic etc.? Promptly goes online looking for an audio solution that this motherboard supports.
Turns out there is one... MIO 888 Audio .. HD audio at that.. wonderful.. so what does one do? Called up nearly all the Asus guys in India who sell these products. ... Turns out no one has heard of these...and more.... "PIKE card? What the devil is that? Nothing like that, I assure you" - my best buddies in the retail market tell me.. Well FYI my dear fellas, it is these innovations from Asus that keep us alive.. MIO is audio and PIKE is raid array cards.. Smug looking me frowns at these ignoramuses (er.. ignoramii? in plural?) and looks for broader horizons..
I read and read online reviews about this card. Nothing bad, except for a few silly buggers who don't seem to like Asus in the first place.. phooeeeey... !!!
I go ahead and search online for a seller and then find one on ebay.. shipped to me home... no kidding... ! Turns out that this $19.00 shit has a premium placed on it.. so it turns out to be $50 for suckers like me... Takes 4 days to ship outta the USA and then takes one week to reach me from Bangalore (Trust me, I could have walked to Bangalore from Mangalore to collect it in these many days).
But why tarry on those churlish details.. my happiness is restored when today the courier woman tells me that Shivaratri is nigh and I need to collect it from their office 18 km away and they cannot deliver it. Alrighty, not a biggie.. I get my cretin brother to collect it (easy to do that, since he is a certified cretin he does what I tell him.. no one else does) .. and I am so excited I start a little party.. (It takes very little for me to start a party, BTW). Excited, I await the arrival of the latest little gizmo that can give me deliverance from the Creative cr*p....
It arrives... sodden little cardboard with little to say about it except for a dire warning that says "do no open if the seal is tampered". I am dismayed... it is already bloody tampered. 'Be brave, little one', me says and proceeds to open it.. and I find a sodding bubble wrap with a dismal looking thingy. Not be deterred, I drink deep from the well that the Scots called the Water of Life (Whiskey, you philistines) and proceed with the hallowed install.
Lo, behold, what do I find???? A tiny little wonder that needs to be named at all.. it is as small as its name.. no manuals, no driver CD/DVD.. just a little red thingy that looks at me balefully from its bubble-wrapped nest.. I know this is a killer.. It has just gotta be... Nothing would be wrapped so casually unless it was the real thing.. You know how the Malayalis go in the most sodden lungis when they carry lakhs of rupees cash on them? Just like that.. The lesser the covering, the more valuable it should be, methinks..
Alrighty, an hour spent in congratulating myself on the new acquisition and more water of life stuff.. Bah, why deny it, it is whiskey after all.. and getting high as a kite is the way to aural nirvana... I am a bit too old for that now, but nostalgic memories from my engg college days and the "rock" shows overtake me.. pleasure denied is pleasure multiplied.. or so I think..
A few more pegs and I am well and truly ready to fly in over the "Stairway to heaven"
Finally the moment of truth comes.. I open up the panel.. everyone is asleep.. no pesky daughters to ask me "What is this?" or more ominously my wife to come behind me and ask me in more dire tones "What the devil is this?"
Cabbie open.. all systems go..
er... wait.. Where does this thing go?????
PCI-e/MIO slot or so the manual says... hokay, here goes,.....
;
;
;
Nothing..
... Those Asus haters were right.... http://www.newegg.co...N82E16816110046 (Check out the feedback section..) This thing is screwy.. does not fit in at all.. Probably Asus designed it first and then thought of the bracket.. Well, with the bracket there is nowhere to go.. just won't fit in...
Am I intimidated? Nah... I have Scots' courage to help me.. I mull this little conundrum before I proceed - very thoughtfully.. Captain Haddock would have been proud of me.. Of course, what cretin designed it in the first place is the first question that shakes me up...but I am still thinking..
Here is a solution.. snip off that end which protrudes offendingly into the arse of my Quadro..
End results after the initial mayhem looks like this..
Tiny little snip, is all.... hic...
Warranty? What <hic> warranty?????
I couldn't care less... ten times the amount for the lot so what if it is this little blip on my horizon cost a little more than twice its normal cost.. (I am quite the philanderer when I am in the mood... at least, when I have had half of Scotland join me virtually).
Intimidated yet? Nah..... Stephen King-like bloodlust overtakes me when I find that the snipping is not enough... snip.. swipe.. snip.. slash.. and so on.. mayhem in cyberland..
With the bracket screws removed it should fit now.. right??
Nope,... I realize too late.. once all this snipping has taken place.. there is nothing to hold it to the chassis anymore.. Alas, rotten Edward Scissorhands.. snipped too much.. down the drain goes $50.. and no one to blame but good old cutty sark.. but that is not it.. (The whiskey I mean.. it is another mean shit called Ballentine's... even worse, I fear it is the english who have poisoned me.. that old cr*p about "Name your poison" was taken too literally in my case, I fear... )
So here goes another shot of whiskey to help me think straight.. that helps.. hic... here goes another brainwave.. snip another chassis part to fashion a tool that will hold it in place.. I think.. I am brilliant.. just a genius.. my synapses are twitching wtih glee...
This is just beyond Einstein.. who would have thought I could snip my way to glory... well, I just did... almost.. Just put that black shite in between the bracket and screw it tight..
That should do the trick..
.. umm.. no... bloody english whiskey... just no help when you have those ....
So finally when my whiskey is done and gone with the tears and rantings and ravings and a million curses... I go back to the pure Indian stuff ... swadesi.. almost, well.. Signature..
And it turns out a few synapses are not dead yet...
Telephone people left a lot of wires here... so I take up a piece and then strip it clean (almost done with my fingers too.. in the process)... the Cu solution is almost too perfect.. except I have to gingerly plug in the headphones or the speaker plugs..
What do you think? This looks like an elegant home-brewn solution?? I think so..
I alone beweep my "DRUNKEN" state and trouble deaf heavens with my bootless cries (Apologies to the old bard)...
Oh darling, this happens only in India.. (unless you happen to be drinking imported Signature p*ss)
Then finally, my weary eye looks to the skies.. and asks for redemption.. it is near.. I am told.. or at least I think.. It must have been meself speaking out loud.. but it did sound like an ominously loud lout who could be sitting on Olympus.. for all I care..
Here is what I discover..
Fascinating..
Inspiring??? Vraimente... Certainly so... Persistent perfection? For sure.. I have never cussed anything so fluently for an hour in my entire miserable life.. .Asus certainly brought out the best in me..
It hangs there for twenty minutes or so... no messages.. nothing.. just stays there for a long time.. Finally I hit the reset button (In your case it would be the little button next to the power button, in my case it is that little cudgel I keep aside for special occasions such as these.. two knocks with my Obelix astra and this thing knows it is time to bloody boot up or else face the Dionysian consequences which cannot be good at all for its life)...
Then miraculously it starts.. it does.. trust me.. I am typing here, aren't I?
Hokay, the last part of my review is not yet written, but I thank the cretins at Asus for letting me discover my hidden talents at snipping and generally making me a lunatic psycopathic delusional cybercidal maniac..
Does this mean the end of my travails???? No, dear lordy.. the Asus site does not even list the blessed driver.. has no idea what I am talking about when I search for it.. some third party site gives me the driver.. don't know if it works.. But karmanne vadhikarasthe etc.. I know I am happy with my efforts.. not that of Asus, I am afraid.. I am listening to music of my own making at the moment.. the wretched kind.. in the morning it will be my wife howling her sweet nothings for having been so drunk.. but the card is still being divine.. For they say.. speech is silvern, silence is golden yet..
Thanks for being patient with my drunken jottings.. end of review..
So what does the little genius do when he finds that the creative audigy thingy does not work well with the mic etc.? Promptly goes online looking for an audio solution that this motherboard supports.
Turns out there is one... MIO 888 Audio .. HD audio at that.. wonderful.. so what does one do? Called up nearly all the Asus guys in India who sell these products. ... Turns out no one has heard of these...and more.... "PIKE card? What the devil is that? Nothing like that, I assure you" - my best buddies in the retail market tell me.. Well FYI my dear fellas, it is these innovations from Asus that keep us alive.. MIO is audio and PIKE is raid array cards.. Smug looking me frowns at these ignoramuses (er.. ignoramii? in plural?) and looks for broader horizons..
I read and read online reviews about this card. Nothing bad, except for a few silly buggers who don't seem to like Asus in the first place.. phooeeeey... !!!
I go ahead and search online for a seller and then find one on ebay.. shipped to me home... no kidding... ! Turns out that this $19.00 shit has a premium placed on it.. so it turns out to be $50 for suckers like me... Takes 4 days to ship outta the USA and then takes one week to reach me from Bangalore (Trust me, I could have walked to Bangalore from Mangalore to collect it in these many days).
But why tarry on those churlish details.. my happiness is restored when today the courier woman tells me that Shivaratri is nigh and I need to collect it from their office 18 km away and they cannot deliver it. Alrighty, not a biggie.. I get my cretin brother to collect it (easy to do that, since he is a certified cretin he does what I tell him.. no one else does) .. and I am so excited I start a little party.. (It takes very little for me to start a party, BTW). Excited, I await the arrival of the latest little gizmo that can give me deliverance from the Creative cr*p....
It arrives... sodden little cardboard with little to say about it except for a dire warning that says "do no open if the seal is tampered". I am dismayed... it is already bloody tampered. 'Be brave, little one', me says and proceeds to open it.. and I find a sodding bubble wrap with a dismal looking thingy. Not be deterred, I drink deep from the well that the Scots called the Water of Life (Whiskey, you philistines) and proceed with the hallowed install.
Lo, behold, what do I find???? A tiny little wonder that needs to be named at all.. it is as small as its name.. no manuals, no driver CD/DVD.. just a little red thingy that looks at me balefully from its bubble-wrapped nest.. I know this is a killer.. It has just gotta be... Nothing would be wrapped so casually unless it was the real thing.. You know how the Malayalis go in the most sodden lungis when they carry lakhs of rupees cash on them? Just like that.. The lesser the covering, the more valuable it should be, methinks..
Alrighty, an hour spent in congratulating myself on the new acquisition and more water of life stuff.. Bah, why deny it, it is whiskey after all.. and getting high as a kite is the way to aural nirvana... I am a bit too old for that now, but nostalgic memories from my engg college days and the "rock" shows overtake me.. pleasure denied is pleasure multiplied.. or so I think..
A few more pegs and I am well and truly ready to fly in over the "Stairway to heaven"
Finally the moment of truth comes.. I open up the panel.. everyone is asleep.. no pesky daughters to ask me "What is this?" or more ominously my wife to come behind me and ask me in more dire tones "What the devil is this?"
Cabbie open.. all systems go..
er... wait.. Where does this thing go?????
PCI-e/MIO slot or so the manual says... hokay, here goes,.....
;
;
;
Nothing..
... Those Asus haters were right.... http://www.newegg.co...N82E16816110046 (Check out the feedback section..) This thing is screwy.. does not fit in at all.. Probably Asus designed it first and then thought of the bracket.. Well, with the bracket there is nowhere to go.. just won't fit in...
Am I intimidated? Nah... I have Scots' courage to help me.. I mull this little conundrum before I proceed - very thoughtfully.. Captain Haddock would have been proud of me.. Of course, what cretin designed it in the first place is the first question that shakes me up...but I am still thinking..
Here is a solution.. snip off that end which protrudes offendingly into the arse of my Quadro..
End results after the initial mayhem looks like this..
Tiny little snip, is all.... hic...
Warranty? What <hic> warranty?????
I couldn't care less... ten times the amount for the lot so what if it is this little blip on my horizon cost a little more than twice its normal cost.. (I am quite the philanderer when I am in the mood... at least, when I have had half of Scotland join me virtually).
Intimidated yet? Nah..... Stephen King-like bloodlust overtakes me when I find that the snipping is not enough... snip.. swipe.. snip.. slash.. and so on.. mayhem in cyberland..
With the bracket screws removed it should fit now.. right??
Nope,... I realize too late.. once all this snipping has taken place.. there is nothing to hold it to the chassis anymore.. Alas, rotten Edward Scissorhands.. snipped too much.. down the drain goes $50.. and no one to blame but good old cutty sark.. but that is not it.. (The whiskey I mean.. it is another mean shit called Ballentine's... even worse, I fear it is the english who have poisoned me.. that old cr*p about "Name your poison" was taken too literally in my case, I fear... )
So here goes another shot of whiskey to help me think straight.. that helps.. hic... here goes another brainwave.. snip another chassis part to fashion a tool that will hold it in place.. I think.. I am brilliant.. just a genius.. my synapses are twitching wtih glee...
This is just beyond Einstein.. who would have thought I could snip my way to glory... well, I just did... almost.. Just put that black shite in between the bracket and screw it tight..
That should do the trick..
.. umm.. no... bloody english whiskey... just no help when you have those ....
So finally when my whiskey is done and gone with the tears and rantings and ravings and a million curses... I go back to the pure Indian stuff ... swadesi.. almost, well.. Signature..
And it turns out a few synapses are not dead yet...
Telephone people left a lot of wires here... so I take up a piece and then strip it clean (almost done with my fingers too.. in the process)... the Cu solution is almost too perfect.. except I have to gingerly plug in the headphones or the speaker plugs..
What do you think? This looks like an elegant home-brewn solution?? I think so..
I alone beweep my "DRUNKEN" state and trouble deaf heavens with my bootless cries (Apologies to the old bard)...
Oh darling, this happens only in India.. (unless you happen to be drinking imported Signature p*ss)
Then finally, my weary eye looks to the skies.. and asks for redemption.. it is near.. I am told.. or at least I think.. It must have been meself speaking out loud.. but it did sound like an ominously loud lout who could be sitting on Olympus.. for all I care..
Here is what I discover..
Fascinating..
Inspiring??? Vraimente... Certainly so... Persistent perfection? For sure.. I have never cussed anything so fluently for an hour in my entire miserable life.. .Asus certainly brought out the best in me..
It hangs there for twenty minutes or so... no messages.. nothing.. just stays there for a long time.. Finally I hit the reset button (In your case it would be the little button next to the power button, in my case it is that little cudgel I keep aside for special occasions such as these.. two knocks with my Obelix astra and this thing knows it is time to bloody boot up or else face the Dionysian consequences which cannot be good at all for its life)...
Then miraculously it starts.. it does.. trust me.. I am typing here, aren't I?
Hokay, the last part of my review is not yet written, but I thank the cretins at Asus for letting me discover my hidden talents at snipping and generally making me a lunatic psycopathic delusional cybercidal maniac..
Does this mean the end of my travails???? No, dear lordy.. the Asus site does not even list the blessed driver.. has no idea what I am talking about when I search for it.. some third party site gives me the driver.. don't know if it works.. But karmanne vadhikarasthe etc.. I know I am happy with my efforts.. not that of Asus, I am afraid.. I am listening to music of my own making at the moment.. the wretched kind.. in the morning it will be my wife howling her sweet nothings for having been so drunk.. but the card is still being divine.. For they say.. speech is silvern, silence is golden yet..
Thanks for being patient with my drunken jottings.. end of review..
