International Rules Of Manhood

Status
Not open for further replies.
LifezGooD

LifezGooD

Contributor
01. Under no circumstances may two men use an umbrella.

02. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When heroic dog dies to save it's master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts to unbutton her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the "Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

03. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

04. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05. If you've know a guy for more that 24 hours, his sister is off
limits
forever unless you actually marry her.

06. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden, however complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.

07. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.

08. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.

09. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game, but you may never ask who's
playing.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a top-less
model
and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Never. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed women must
remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
ie. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a phone conversation with a women to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion about what a mistake it was occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her
to drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for a man to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
 
some more

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a b**ch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "**** off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they ea chooses a husband.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom