Neo-N
Skilled
Got this as a mail forward... 
Voldemort gets mails
(Dumbledore's mails are hilarious)
Dear Voldie,
Quit it will you? Harry Potter is better than you. He just rocks and you dont. So quit this whining cause it's bringing us down. Why cant you just die and get it over with? go away!
The Wizarding World
Dear Voldie,
Stop trying to kill us. We made movies like The Ring, Psycho and The Exorcist so you just dont scare us.
Muggles
Dear Voldie,
Why do you hate us because we're not pure blood? You're a half blood yourself right? hypocrite!
Muggleborns and Half-bloods
Dear Tom,
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Harry beat you again. You didnt get the Sorcerers Stone and now i have destroyed it. Sucks to be you. Now dont bother coming back
Dumbledore
Dear Tom,
Lucius opened the Chamber of Secrets. But guess who saved the day? Yep! Harry!
Ha ha
DD
Dear Tom,
I thought i told you not to come back? Really now! Trying to kill Harry is just getting old no? I heard Priori Incanteum happened when you tried to kill him? Good. You're stupid.
DD
Dearest Tom,
Still thinking about what happened at the Ministry? Now that everyone believes me and knows you're back, things are going to be harder for you no? YAY! Like i said before, sucks to be you.
DD
Dear Voldemort,
I'm doing a project on you and your powers. However i need an angle that will truly interest people. What is your weakness or Achilles heel? I'm sure people would love to know.
ProjectGirl
Dear ProjectGirl,
Nice try Miss Granger. Nice try.
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
My mother is truly scared of you. She wont listen to me when i say you're
a great big prat who cant even defeat a baby!
Reddie
Dear Reddie,
CRUCIO! Ronald Weasley! Crucio!
Voldie
Dear Moldevort,
I wrote a song about you -
Moldy Voldie
He's an oldie
he thinks he's so mean
But he's just unclean
The silly Voldie
deluded oldie
think's he's so cruel
But he's a fool
Boony
Dear Boony,
Are you that freaky girl who came to the Ministry of Magic with Potter? What's your name? Lovegood, isnt it?
Voldie
Yo Voldie,
Sup you great big bully? Out muggle-baiting again? Mad boy! er bad boy i mean. So whose your new second in command now that Lucius is in jail? Is it Snapey-boy? Hmmm? Coz he's a foooool like you.
HumbleBore
HumbleBore,
Dumbledore. How. Dare. You.
Voldie
Tommie-Boy,
Looks like you had nothing better to say, huh? I thought you were
smart! tsk tsk.
Dumbby
DUMBLEDORE STOP WRITING TO ME
Voldie
Lord Stupid,
You should cut youself on your head with a knife. Maybe with a scar you'll be able to beat the great Harry Potter, Boy-who-lived!
Me
Dear Me. Er You. Er...whoever,
Yes Harry Potter, one day i will beat you. Scar or not.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
Riddle me this - what's a cat with whickers called?
Curious
DUMBLEDORE IF YOU DONT STOP WRITING TO ME I WILL KILL YOUR STUPID BIRD!
Voldie
Tommy,
The bird comes back to life. Every time.
You're dumb!
NOT DUMBledore
AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
We have kidnapped Mr. Wally and you shall not get him back unless you stop being evil! Give up!
Kidnappers
Kidnappers,
Dumbledore and Minerva! I knew it. Luckily i acted upon my hunch and sent my faithful death eater to steal my teddy bear back from you. How dare you kidnap my teddy bear? What did Mr. Wally ever do to you?
Voldie
Volomodrtyertesyuuyer,
I wrote another song
Voldie's a killer
He's always chewing gum
There's no one sillier
And he's in love with krum
His eyes are like snakes
He loves to bake cakes
He eats snow flakes
and likes to jump into lakes
Boonie
Ms Lovegood,
HOW DID YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT INFORMATION? Particularly my affections for Mr. Krum? I will have to find you and modify your memory!
Voldie
PS: Although i am quite proud of my double chocolte frosting cake!
Dear Vol,
My wife has a huge crush on you and it annoys me. Are you guys
going out behind my back?
Less Strange
Dear Lestrange,
What Bellatrix and I do behind your back is none of your business.
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
I've noticed that you sign all of your letter's off as 'Voldie'. What gives?
Wormmie
Dear Wormtail,
If you are brave enough to ask me that to my face, i'll tell you.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
We heard that Luna Lovegood wrote a song about you so we decided to try our hands at it too. Look -
(sing along *FRIENDS* tune)
So no one told you life
was gonna be this way
Your plans get thwarted by
Harry Potter everyday
It's like your spells are
stuck in your wand
Well when you havent beaten Harry for weeks, or months or even years
We'll be there for you
While Harry is escaping
We'll be there for you
When Dumbledore is better
We'll be there for you
Cause if we werent, we'd be killed
The Death Eaters
Dear Death Eaters,
Changing the lyrics of the theme song to Friends does not qualify as song writing. And did you think i wouldnt notice that you had ripped off 'I'll be there for you'? How could i not notice? I LOVE THAT SHOW! Especially Phoebe and Joey.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
Hey, did it ever occur too you that when your immortal and finished killing off muggles, that you will have nothing to do for the rest of time and forever seeing as you will be immortal and stuck doing nothing for forever?
Just wondering...
Surf All Day And Do The Hula
Dear S.A.D.A.D.T.H,
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!
I think i must get you over to the dark side. You can be useful. You are smart!
Maybe you can help increase my IQ from 70 to 90! Then i wont be slow anymore!
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
We the International League of Evil Villian Type People (ILEVP) are pleased to inform you that after a long period of consideration, you have been voted Evil Guy of the Year! You and The Wicked Witch of the West (our Evil Girl of the Year) are hereby invited to come and pick up your trophies from our Super Secret Headquarters (For more information contact Cruella De Vil or Count Olaf).
Congratulations and much hope for more Evil Deeds in the future,
Sauron, Evil Guy in Chief!
Smerrwazz, Slightly-Less-Dark-Lord
Wicked Step-Mother, Top Cheese, Head Villianess
P.S. Please tell us if you would like a gift card for Joe's Fish Market or Bob's Cheese Shop instead of the usual potted plant recieved by Evil Guy of the Year, unfortunatly the Wicked Witch of the West has claim to the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store.
Dear ILEVP,
YIPPEE! Finally! I'm so happy. Yay!
So...Witchy has taken the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store, eh? Drat! I wanted that. I need more Stinky Shoes! Silly Witchy!
I shall come and pick up my trophy right away. After all, i like collecting trophies
Voldie
Moldywart,
Why don't you go get all of your Horcruxes together, destroy them, and kill yourself with the "Avada Kedavra" curse? That's what it's going to come to, anyway! Harry Potter is SO much better than you are, and he'll kill you! So, why don't you just save Harry the trouble? But before you do that whole suicide thing, 'cause I want you to cast the "Crucio" curse on yourself. See, how it feels to all of those people who you do it on! I'm a witch-at-heart... don't mess with me!
Patriot Girl (Because I abide by the laws of my country!)
Dear P.G,
But i like making Harry go through all that trouble. It's FFFUUUUUNNNN! You are another one who should think about joining me. I forsee that you will be great trouble for me if you are against me.
And DONT say i have as much foresight as Sybil Trelawny. That ALWAYS makes me cry!
Voldie
Dear Mr. stupidity,
Harry Potter is superior to you! could YOU get the sorceror's stone out of the mirror of Erised? could YOU kill a basilisk without a wand? could YOU fight off hundreds of dementors without your little army of stupid heads? could YOU persuade merpeople to let you take more than one of the hostages? could YOU get past a dragon by flying a broomstick? could YOU get out alive in a fight with... wait a second... another you I guess... could YOU fight off all your death eaters at only the age of fifteen? could YOU do any of the amazing things the boy who lived did?
-Ze Demon Poet
Dear Poet,
That wasnt very good poetry. As for all the other stuff, i'll give you 5767294986529865 candy canes to keep quiet about it all.
Voldie
Dear Mr. Voldemort,
I was wondering if you would consider becoming my friend and penpal. You see, i've noticed that you dont have any friends, just followers. I'm a psychaitrist by profession and i think i can help you overcome your insecurities.
Dr. Grunge
Dear Dr. Grunge,
I would love to talk to you. See i think the fact that i'm so 'insecure' is because this stupid little boy called Harry Potter keeps trying to stop me from taking over the world. I dont know what his problem is. He has these two REALLY annoying friends who are always helping him out. They're so annoying! Especially that Hermione Granger. She think's she so clever that she can pretend to be a shrink just to find out more about me so that she can work on ways to destroy me. Tell me Dr. GRANGER, Do you think i should kill you?
Voldie
Dear Dark Lord,
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Remember me? I stole your Horcrux. La dee da dee da!
R.A.B
Dear R.A.B,
Arent you supposed to be dead? And why did you steal my Horcrux?
i thought you were on my side?
Voldie
Volvo,
Well i'm NOT. You are silly billy billy silly blah man!
R.A.B
Miss Lovegood do you have a death wish? Because i know it's you. The real R.A.B is dead, no?
Voldie
Dear Volly,
I haff recieved your letter and i vas very surprised by vat you vrote.
I am flattered by your affections tovards me but i am afraid that i do not
feel the same vay. I am very sorry but i cannot have a romantic dinner vith you on the rooftop.
Victor Krum
Dear Victor,
But why? I'm so loveable! You have made me both sad and angry and when
i am angry i feel like killing. So unless you go out with me i will
kill you and your whole family and i will kill Miss Granger as well!
Voldie
Dear Volly,
Vat time is dinner, then?
Krum
Sup Tommy?
We just wanted to tell you that you're a loser who cant do anything right. K?
Peace out!
The Terrific Trio
Sup Trio,
I just wanted to say that you guys are like friggin losers who will lose to me when the totally humongous battle comes about, k?
Alrite i'm outta here,
Voldie
PS: Look i'm learning your lingo! I rock!
Dear Voldie,
Nope, your not learning our lingo.
Learn the lingo or play bingo, mother *beep*
Peace Out A-*beep*,
the trio
DEAR TRIO,
HOW CAN YOU USE SUCH LANGUAGE? YOU'RE
MAKING ME BLUSH! YOU NAUGHTY CHILDREN!
YOU MUST NOT SWEAR!
VOLDIE
DEAR VOLDIE,
STOP YELLING IT REALLY BOTHERS US WHEN
YOU USE CAPS LOCK. STOP IT
YOU EVIL MOTHER beep
SINCERLY,
THE TRIO.
DEAR TRIO,
YEAH THATS THE POINT
I AM YELLING, NO?
YOU SILLIES!
-VOLDIE
Dear Voldemort,
As an anonymous fanfiction author I would like to know the best way to steal the basic story-line of Harry Potter for my own best selling novel series and not get caught (cough for once cough Ahem...) So I was thinking together we could be the greatest team there's ever been, Voldie, please Join me. We'll paraphrase our way to Fame!
Love,
No of course I've never read Harry Potter...(aka ..Smerrwazz! I shall get you back yet Voldie Woldie! XD!1!)
Smerry Cherry,
That's what i'll call you if you call me Voldie Woldie! And i'd love
to steal the HP storyline! I suspect that Miss Rowling is going to kill
me off anyway. Might as well get back at her while i still can.
Voldie Woldie
P.S: If you think you're gonna get back at me you're Dreeeeeeeaaaammming. Blu blu blu!
Dear Mr. Stupidity,
You overlook the power of love, which would've caused your fate. Mr. Voldie Stupidity, You're an idiot! I don't like candy canes and that wasn't even part of my poetry. here's my poetry:
First think of the thing,
That comes from the fire,
When we all know,
It's starting to tire.
Next tell me the name,
Of the air when it's strong,
It has Mystical music,
A tune, a song.
Next we will search,
For a sound hard to find,
And change the first word,
So it rhymes with lined.
Now put them together,
And answer my question,
Which household creature,
Is out of suggestion?
-Ze Demon poet
an employee of Florish and Blots
PS-solve that and I MIGHT shut up...
Dear Ze Demon poet,
This is Voldie's assistant. Voldie has been breaking his head trying to solve your RIDDLE (tee hee) but he's just not getting it. He even considered owling Hermione Grange since she's good at riddles! I keeppointing to the fireplacewhenever he's in the room but he's just too dumb to get anything!
Maybe if you keep him occupied like this, he'll forget about world domination and Harry Potter!
Voldie's Assistant
Dear Voldemort:
Mr. Moony would like to say that Mr. Voldy is stupid to not think of just getting bit by a vampire to get immortality.
Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony & would like to add that his own little "prongs jr." can defeat Mr. Voldy with his eyes closed.
Mr. Wormtail complements Mr. Voldy on his nose job.
Mr. Padfoot would like to say that he has all the pink robes, leotards AND tu-tus safely tucked underneath him & that he has humped them all at least twice.
(The other 3 messrs glare at Mr. Padfoot with disgust)
sincerely,
the MWPP marauders
Dear marauders:
Mr. Moony – Vampires aren't immortal. They're undead. Besides, they all hate me and would never bite me. How sad.
Mr. Prongs – Yes but you couldn't, could you? Killed you didn't I? Ha-ha!
Mr. Wormtail – Thank you darling.
Mr. Padfoot – Aren't you dead? And also – EW!
Voldie
:lol: :lol:
Voldemort gets mails
(Dumbledore's mails are hilarious)
Dear Voldie,
Quit it will you? Harry Potter is better than you. He just rocks and you dont. So quit this whining cause it's bringing us down. Why cant you just die and get it over with? go away!
The Wizarding World
Dear Voldie,
Stop trying to kill us. We made movies like The Ring, Psycho and The Exorcist so you just dont scare us.
Muggles
Dear Voldie,
Why do you hate us because we're not pure blood? You're a half blood yourself right? hypocrite!
Muggleborns and Half-bloods
Dear Tom,
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Harry beat you again. You didnt get the Sorcerers Stone and now i have destroyed it. Sucks to be you. Now dont bother coming back
Dumbledore
Dear Tom,
Lucius opened the Chamber of Secrets. But guess who saved the day? Yep! Harry!
Ha ha
DD
Dear Tom,
I thought i told you not to come back? Really now! Trying to kill Harry is just getting old no? I heard Priori Incanteum happened when you tried to kill him? Good. You're stupid.
DD
Dearest Tom,
Still thinking about what happened at the Ministry? Now that everyone believes me and knows you're back, things are going to be harder for you no? YAY! Like i said before, sucks to be you.
DD
Dear Voldemort,
I'm doing a project on you and your powers. However i need an angle that will truly interest people. What is your weakness or Achilles heel? I'm sure people would love to know.
ProjectGirl
Dear ProjectGirl,
Nice try Miss Granger. Nice try.
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
My mother is truly scared of you. She wont listen to me when i say you're
a great big prat who cant even defeat a baby!
Reddie
Dear Reddie,
CRUCIO! Ronald Weasley! Crucio!
Voldie
Dear Moldevort,
I wrote a song about you -
Moldy Voldie
He's an oldie
he thinks he's so mean
But he's just unclean
The silly Voldie
deluded oldie
think's he's so cruel
But he's a fool
Boony
Dear Boony,
Are you that freaky girl who came to the Ministry of Magic with Potter? What's your name? Lovegood, isnt it?
Voldie
Yo Voldie,
Sup you great big bully? Out muggle-baiting again? Mad boy! er bad boy i mean. So whose your new second in command now that Lucius is in jail? Is it Snapey-boy? Hmmm? Coz he's a foooool like you.
HumbleBore
HumbleBore,
Dumbledore. How. Dare. You.
Voldie
Tommie-Boy,
Looks like you had nothing better to say, huh? I thought you were
smart! tsk tsk.
Dumbby
DUMBLEDORE STOP WRITING TO ME
Voldie
Lord Stupid,
You should cut youself on your head with a knife. Maybe with a scar you'll be able to beat the great Harry Potter, Boy-who-lived!
Me
Dear Me. Er You. Er...whoever,
Yes Harry Potter, one day i will beat you. Scar or not.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
Riddle me this - what's a cat with whickers called?
Curious
DUMBLEDORE IF YOU DONT STOP WRITING TO ME I WILL KILL YOUR STUPID BIRD!
Voldie
Tommy,
The bird comes back to life. Every time.
You're dumb!
NOT DUMBledore
AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
We have kidnapped Mr. Wally and you shall not get him back unless you stop being evil! Give up!
Kidnappers
Kidnappers,
Dumbledore and Minerva! I knew it. Luckily i acted upon my hunch and sent my faithful death eater to steal my teddy bear back from you. How dare you kidnap my teddy bear? What did Mr. Wally ever do to you?
Voldie
Volomodrtyertesyuuyer,
I wrote another song
Voldie's a killer
He's always chewing gum
There's no one sillier
And he's in love with krum
His eyes are like snakes
He loves to bake cakes
He eats snow flakes
and likes to jump into lakes
Boonie
Ms Lovegood,
HOW DID YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT INFORMATION? Particularly my affections for Mr. Krum? I will have to find you and modify your memory!
Voldie
PS: Although i am quite proud of my double chocolte frosting cake!
Dear Vol,
My wife has a huge crush on you and it annoys me. Are you guys
going out behind my back?
Less Strange
Dear Lestrange,
What Bellatrix and I do behind your back is none of your business.
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
I've noticed that you sign all of your letter's off as 'Voldie'. What gives?
Wormmie
Dear Wormtail,
If you are brave enough to ask me that to my face, i'll tell you.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
We heard that Luna Lovegood wrote a song about you so we decided to try our hands at it too. Look -
(sing along *FRIENDS* tune)
So no one told you life
was gonna be this way
Your plans get thwarted by
Harry Potter everyday
It's like your spells are
stuck in your wand
Well when you havent beaten Harry for weeks, or months or even years
We'll be there for you
While Harry is escaping
We'll be there for you
When Dumbledore is better
We'll be there for you
Cause if we werent, we'd be killed
The Death Eaters
Dear Death Eaters,
Changing the lyrics of the theme song to Friends does not qualify as song writing. And did you think i wouldnt notice that you had ripped off 'I'll be there for you'? How could i not notice? I LOVE THAT SHOW! Especially Phoebe and Joey.
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
Hey, did it ever occur too you that when your immortal and finished killing off muggles, that you will have nothing to do for the rest of time and forever seeing as you will be immortal and stuck doing nothing for forever?
Just wondering...
Surf All Day And Do The Hula
Dear S.A.D.A.D.T.H,
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!
I think i must get you over to the dark side. You can be useful. You are smart!
Maybe you can help increase my IQ from 70 to 90! Then i wont be slow anymore!
Voldie
Dear Voldemort,
We the International League of Evil Villian Type People (ILEVP) are pleased to inform you that after a long period of consideration, you have been voted Evil Guy of the Year! You and The Wicked Witch of the West (our Evil Girl of the Year) are hereby invited to come and pick up your trophies from our Super Secret Headquarters (For more information contact Cruella De Vil or Count Olaf).
Congratulations and much hope for more Evil Deeds in the future,
Sauron, Evil Guy in Chief!
Smerrwazz, Slightly-Less-Dark-Lord
Wicked Step-Mother, Top Cheese, Head Villianess
P.S. Please tell us if you would like a gift card for Joe's Fish Market or Bob's Cheese Shop instead of the usual potted plant recieved by Evil Guy of the Year, unfortunatly the Wicked Witch of the West has claim to the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store.
Dear ILEVP,
YIPPEE! Finally! I'm so happy. Yay!
So...Witchy has taken the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store, eh? Drat! I wanted that. I need more Stinky Shoes! Silly Witchy!
I shall come and pick up my trophy right away. After all, i like collecting trophies
Voldie
Moldywart,
Why don't you go get all of your Horcruxes together, destroy them, and kill yourself with the "Avada Kedavra" curse? That's what it's going to come to, anyway! Harry Potter is SO much better than you are, and he'll kill you! So, why don't you just save Harry the trouble? But before you do that whole suicide thing, 'cause I want you to cast the "Crucio" curse on yourself. See, how it feels to all of those people who you do it on! I'm a witch-at-heart... don't mess with me!
Patriot Girl (Because I abide by the laws of my country!)
Dear P.G,
But i like making Harry go through all that trouble. It's FFFUUUUUNNNN! You are another one who should think about joining me. I forsee that you will be great trouble for me if you are against me.
And DONT say i have as much foresight as Sybil Trelawny. That ALWAYS makes me cry!
Voldie
Dear Mr. stupidity,
Harry Potter is superior to you! could YOU get the sorceror's stone out of the mirror of Erised? could YOU kill a basilisk without a wand? could YOU fight off hundreds of dementors without your little army of stupid heads? could YOU persuade merpeople to let you take more than one of the hostages? could YOU get past a dragon by flying a broomstick? could YOU get out alive in a fight with... wait a second... another you I guess... could YOU fight off all your death eaters at only the age of fifteen? could YOU do any of the amazing things the boy who lived did?
-Ze Demon Poet
Dear Poet,
That wasnt very good poetry. As for all the other stuff, i'll give you 5767294986529865 candy canes to keep quiet about it all.
Voldie
Dear Mr. Voldemort,
I was wondering if you would consider becoming my friend and penpal. You see, i've noticed that you dont have any friends, just followers. I'm a psychaitrist by profession and i think i can help you overcome your insecurities.
Dr. Grunge
Dear Dr. Grunge,
I would love to talk to you. See i think the fact that i'm so 'insecure' is because this stupid little boy called Harry Potter keeps trying to stop me from taking over the world. I dont know what his problem is. He has these two REALLY annoying friends who are always helping him out. They're so annoying! Especially that Hermione Granger. She think's she so clever that she can pretend to be a shrink just to find out more about me so that she can work on ways to destroy me. Tell me Dr. GRANGER, Do you think i should kill you?
Voldie
Dear Dark Lord,
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Remember me? I stole your Horcrux. La dee da dee da!
R.A.B
Dear R.A.B,
Arent you supposed to be dead? And why did you steal my Horcrux?
i thought you were on my side?
Voldie
Volvo,
Well i'm NOT. You are silly billy billy silly blah man!
R.A.B
Miss Lovegood do you have a death wish? Because i know it's you. The real R.A.B is dead, no?
Voldie
Dear Volly,
I haff recieved your letter and i vas very surprised by vat you vrote.
I am flattered by your affections tovards me but i am afraid that i do not
feel the same vay. I am very sorry but i cannot have a romantic dinner vith you on the rooftop.
Victor Krum
Dear Victor,
But why? I'm so loveable! You have made me both sad and angry and when
i am angry i feel like killing. So unless you go out with me i will
kill you and your whole family and i will kill Miss Granger as well!
Voldie
Dear Volly,
Vat time is dinner, then?
Krum
Sup Tommy?
We just wanted to tell you that you're a loser who cant do anything right. K?
Peace out!
The Terrific Trio
Sup Trio,
I just wanted to say that you guys are like friggin losers who will lose to me when the totally humongous battle comes about, k?
Alrite i'm outta here,
Voldie
PS: Look i'm learning your lingo! I rock!
Dear Voldie,
Nope, your not learning our lingo.
Learn the lingo or play bingo, mother *beep*
Peace Out A-*beep*,
the trio
DEAR TRIO,
HOW CAN YOU USE SUCH LANGUAGE? YOU'RE
MAKING ME BLUSH! YOU NAUGHTY CHILDREN!
YOU MUST NOT SWEAR!
VOLDIE
DEAR VOLDIE,
STOP YELLING IT REALLY BOTHERS US WHEN
YOU USE CAPS LOCK. STOP IT
YOU EVIL MOTHER beep
SINCERLY,
THE TRIO.
DEAR TRIO,
YEAH THATS THE POINT
I AM YELLING, NO?
YOU SILLIES!
-VOLDIE
Dear Voldemort,
As an anonymous fanfiction author I would like to know the best way to steal the basic story-line of Harry Potter for my own best selling novel series and not get caught (cough for once cough Ahem...) So I was thinking together we could be the greatest team there's ever been, Voldie, please Join me. We'll paraphrase our way to Fame!
Love,
No of course I've never read Harry Potter...(aka ..Smerrwazz! I shall get you back yet Voldie Woldie! XD!1!)
Smerry Cherry,
That's what i'll call you if you call me Voldie Woldie! And i'd love
to steal the HP storyline! I suspect that Miss Rowling is going to kill
me off anyway. Might as well get back at her while i still can.
Voldie Woldie
P.S: If you think you're gonna get back at me you're Dreeeeeeeaaaammming. Blu blu blu!
Dear Mr. Stupidity,
You overlook the power of love, which would've caused your fate. Mr. Voldie Stupidity, You're an idiot! I don't like candy canes and that wasn't even part of my poetry. here's my poetry:
First think of the thing,
That comes from the fire,
When we all know,
It's starting to tire.
Next tell me the name,
Of the air when it's strong,
It has Mystical music,
A tune, a song.
Next we will search,
For a sound hard to find,
And change the first word,
So it rhymes with lined.
Now put them together,
And answer my question,
Which household creature,
Is out of suggestion?
-Ze Demon poet
an employee of Florish and Blots
PS-solve that and I MIGHT shut up...
Dear Ze Demon poet,
This is Voldie's assistant. Voldie has been breaking his head trying to solve your RIDDLE (tee hee) but he's just not getting it. He even considered owling Hermione Grange since she's good at riddles! I keeppointing to the fireplacewhenever he's in the room but he's just too dumb to get anything!
Maybe if you keep him occupied like this, he'll forget about world domination and Harry Potter!
Voldie's Assistant
Dear Voldemort:
Mr. Moony would like to say that Mr. Voldy is stupid to not think of just getting bit by a vampire to get immortality.
Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony & would like to add that his own little "prongs jr." can defeat Mr. Voldy with his eyes closed.
Mr. Wormtail complements Mr. Voldy on his nose job.
Mr. Padfoot would like to say that he has all the pink robes, leotards AND tu-tus safely tucked underneath him & that he has humped them all at least twice.
(The other 3 messrs glare at Mr. Padfoot with disgust)
sincerely,
the MWPP marauders
Dear marauders:
Mr. Moony – Vampires aren't immortal. They're undead. Besides, they all hate me and would never bite me. How sad.
Mr. Prongs – Yes but you couldn't, could you? Killed you didn't I? Ha-ha!
Mr. Wormtail – Thank you darling.
Mr. Padfoot – Aren't you dead? And also – EW!
Voldie
:lol: :lol:
