However you choose to approach the situation, just know that your wife is a terrible person who doesn’t give a flying f**K and is a bad example for your daughter or you to be around.
In my situation my wife is telling me that she will raise the kid but my kid is saying that she both of us.
I asked my kid to come with me and stay with me and my parents and we will take care of her but she cries and says that she needs both.
For this very reason only I am keeping my mouth shut.
My wife does not care about our kids mental health and mental state if I am not around. Only her so called family’s happiness where neither me nor my kid is included.
She is just using and keeping the kid as safe deposit for her state of being like being called as a loving and doting mother for all her other relatives.
Inside she is a soorpanaka, sister of Ravana.
My kid isn’t able to look beyond the veil, so I am there with them and keeping watch over my kid.
For keeping my sanity I need to take my wife to a counsellor and let them tell my wife about the reality of husband and children and family not her so called family who always misguided her for every thing she did they encouraged her or kept mum.
Kids these days
Back in my day this was called marriage
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Just wondering, if you had a boy child instead of girl, will the circumstance change?
Sad that this is happening in many families just like a casual thing and a new norm.
Is this even possible in current generation? Very very rare thing man.
Either a boy or girl the circumstance will not change because when I was deciding to go for a divorce I went to a High Court Advocate and he is saying that due to emergence of IT almost 90% of today’s marriages are in shambles and not reconciliating at all.
Yes this is the new norm.
When I went to their apartment all other families thought that they were a married couple and when police came they are saying that in Financial District of Hyderabad 60% couples are having live-in relationship and after some time they break apart and put cases on each other and are leaving the children at their grand parents homes or at the PS.
Just visit once the local family court for a couple of days and watch what numbers of cases are divorces. Just watch.
This is the new norm or culture of India nowadays. Every western societal evils are being followed as a fashion in India.
IDK man, I’m younger than you and I have not experienced something like this so I cannot claim to understand you fully. Still I’ve seen your posts on this topic from time to time so here goes:
I really think you should stop trying to fix your spouse or make her try to understand you. That’s long gone. First of all, build an independent support system (financially and emotionally). You cannot save someone else if you are drowning.
Also don’t bother justifying to relatives. Keep your peace. If you have already hit rock bottom, then why bother about what others think. Quietly rebuild yourself.
After that it’s entirely up to you. I personally don’t think a child is going to thrive simply because both parents are together. Better to separate and bring up the child in a healthy environment with good people around them.
Damn, what kind of people are these fellows to leave kids. I’ve seen parents fighting in courts for kids too.
I don’t think it’s a western influence. People always have this kind of mentality since centuries, everywhere. How it comes out and how they manage is only the difference. Don’t you remember the Telugu joke about “pumpset” accounts or “kandhi chenu kaada”? This kind of thing has always been in our country too.
I will try my level best to convince my kid about what you adviced otherwise I have to stay with them. That’s all I can do.
I get 40k as rents so I think this front is covered but she takes my money by saying this is for kids expenses and gives me 10k for my expenses and meat,eggs,vegetables & fruits that I need to bring for the family. She gets 52k as salary and another 12k from her rents.
My parents are advising me to keep my rents with me and put it for spending on the family not hand it over.
Buddy, I don’t know how old your daughter is. She may be too young to understand some things. It is going to be enormously stressful to put the burden of such decisions on a young child.
You first take care of yourself. Slowly establish healthy boundaries with family and relatives. Don’t give in to abusive or controlling behavior. Set a good example for your child as to what normal healthy behaviors are.
You’ve already been through the worst. Give yourself time to work through this. Be kind to yourself first and foremost.
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if you tell them this, they will tell you you were raised in a bad household. apparently, marriages and families are only what you see in happy movies or social media.
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How old is your daughter? If she is very young, she may not understand and will naturally cry that she needs both parents. She has no idea what a terrible person her mother is, nor what her father has to endure. If that is the case, you will have to relent and coerce her into staying with you and your parents, despite her objections. You will have to be firm. As she grows older, she will come to realize why you did what was needed, and will appreciate you more. Take the short-term bullet for long-term peace and happiness.
Your wife even robs you of your finances in the name of your daughter. That’s f***ing messed up.
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My daughter is 15 years old and is studying 10th class right now.
My parents are saying that these 3 years until completion of 12th are crucial for my daughter so when ever there is a quarrel between us I go and stay with my parents.
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Unfortunately, she’s experienced this in her formative years. We will never know how much it has affected her.
You can have a father-daughter talk with her and explain the situation that you are in.
You do not need to lose yourself for this person. I am sure your daughter will also see it for what it is. Even if she can decide for herself to stay with you once she’s 18, the courts and the system can still create a lot of troubles for you if her mother wants to.
Do not try to maintain this relationship when the other person has already walked out of the marriage. Do not waste your time and energy on it. Rather, focus on your well-being for your daughter.
Did you wife ever talk about a separation?
Please try and keep your parents away from the troubles. I see a few cases where the parents have to travel to a different state only because the girl’s advocate and well-wishers suggested that filing a domestic violence complaint works wonderfully.
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This has been a very heart wrenching and painful read. How truly awful some people can be is unimaginable.
I have read many of your replies in other threads and your deep sense of empathy and compassion have always been palpable. Though, they emerged from such immense suffering, you have shown to be a resilient and strong person. The world is a better place with you in it.
I have nothing to add regarding the issues. Only my sympathies. I bet any suggestion will be uninformed and misdirected. But as is known, there is no pain free way out of it.
Please talk with trained counsellors and do as per the needs of yourself and your daughter. It is not about inflicting pain, but preventing further suffering.
Regarding the original post, these have been prevalent for as long as marriage as an institution has existed. In sociology, these are termed as “empty shell marriages”. Then there comes the issue of horrible humans being horrible humans. Fuck them. Love or leave. Don’t hurt and enjoy.
To the mods @moderators @Renegade and @bssunilreddy, these are visible on open web. I don’t know if you are comfortable with sharing these openly on the web, if you are then all well and good. But if you feel this needs a degree of privacy that only the forum members should be able to see, then please move it to the private section.
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My wife when she is angry or quarrelled with me says that I go and stay with my parents and come back after some time.
During this period my daughter cries and please with me to come back and that like every happy family needs both parents be with her.
My mother cries and please with me to keep quiet for the sake of my daughter. So I am keeping quiet nowadays. I am even doing several pujas of several gods and goddesses to give me peace of mind and make this a happy ending.
I feel your pain and anguish for some reason.
I will repeat it as long as I have to. You are fortunate to have those loving parents. Your daughter. Live to the fullest for them. Do not engage with the one bad thing that happened in your life. Do not let it define you.
Stay strong, brother. You’ve one more person rooting for you.
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Are you still on your meds for the schizophrenia/other issues you had previously or stopped them?
People should ideally comment after hearing both sides of the issues. I for one remember his previous posts and things were far more complicated.
Not for Schizophrenia but for good sleep and restfulness of mind.
I used to shout a lot and I used to sleep a lot. This too because she pointed that I was aggressive since 2011 and doctor prescribed me strong meds because of which my marital life went down the drain.
I got married in 2009 but since she got a job in Infosys in 2011 I became hot headed. She never stays with me during weekends as she used to tell that she is visiting her brother’s house for 3 weekends and on 4th weekend she goes to her sister’s house in another city in AP.
I think she did this to leave me since 2011 and want a reason.
Now I take for Bi-polar disorder which was mentioned in my complete DNA profile while Schizophrenia wasn’t mentioned at all. So I took wrong medication for 10 years.
She came from a lower middle class family.
She had 8 lovers ranging from State Ministers to State Governers to Industrialists.
From whom she acquired about 161 crores and gave it to so called father, sister and sisters husband but she didn’t take anything for herself nor me nor my daughter.
I am not after their wealth as I don’t want also since it came from such shady and immoral activities.
All I want is a happy family and life with my wife, daughter and my parents. This is not happening neither for me nor for my daughter or my parents.
Now since 2020 she is staying in house and not going anywhere but sometimes to her sister’s house or father’s house. That’s all.
But she is a magnet for men either when she was working in Infosys or now in Department of Atomic Energy.
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How are you now buddy. Did meds improve your condition since then?
Asking OP to share more personal details is something we should avoid.
If he wants to share and talk about it. I can understand. But In my opinion lets not judge anyone here and only advice for his health related concern.
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