1. Transform your wheezing Xbox into a rip-ass, old school arcade machine with this do-it-your-damn-self kitâ€â€it'll only set you back $999â€â€from Dream Arcades. You'll be the envy of your dorky gaming friends whenever they visit…and the scourge of ladies everywhere. Ouch!
2. Paint your old Xbox stark white and sell it to your weed-fried neighbor as a Xbox 360. Tell him it "fell off a truck" and that you're giving him the "friend price" of $600. Score!
3. Better yet, paint it silver and sell it to your other weed-fried neighbor as a "pre-beta, Japanese Playstation 3." (Be sure to use those exact words.) We wouldn't accept less than $1000 for such a rare piece of illegal equipment. Score!
10 Things You Can Do With Your Old Xbox
Your old Xbox is getting evicted from the entertainment center, but where should it go? We'll tell you…
Stuffmagazine.com, 12/20/2005
Scott Jones
1. Transform your wheezing Xbox into a rip-ass, old school arcade machine with this do-it-your-damn-self kitâ€â€it'll only set you back $999â€â€from Dream Arcades. You'll be the envy of your dorky gaming friends whenever they visit…and the scourge of ladies everywhere. Ouch!
2. Paint your old Xbox stark white and sell it to your weed-fried neighbor as a Xbox 360. Tell him it "fell off a truck" and that you're giving him the "friend price" of $600. Score!
3. Better yet, paint it silver and sell it to your other weed-fried neighbor as a "pre-beta, Japanese Playstation 3." (Be sure to use those exact words.) We wouldn't accept less than $1000 for such a rare piece of illegal equipment. Score!
4. If you find yourself driving in snow country this winter, put the Xbox in your car's trunk to provide extra weight to keep you from sliding on snow-covered roads. As Uncle Billy Gates always says: Safety first, kids!
5. Hollow out the insides, cut out a few holes in the chassis, then attach your Xbox to your hamster's Star Wars–themed Habitrail. The Xbox makes for a terrific hamster Death Star. "You have failed me for the last time, Captain!"
6. Works great as a dedicated porn-only DVD player. Why? Because it's handily disguised as a game machine. (They'll never suspect a thing, you wank-fiend!)
7. Take it out behind the woodshed, and whisper to it, "See all the happy game machines out there in the woods, little buddy? See how they're all laughing and playing? Even the Jaguar 64 is out there! Run out there and join them. Run!" Then fire a .22-caliber bullet into its hard drive.
8. Fill each and every input port with M80s. Light them. Run like Master Chief is behind you with a sac full of plasma grenades.
9. Remove the processors and hard drive, cut a hole in the top, attach tubes to each of the controller ports, and voilàâ€â€you've got a four-person hookah. Next stop on your puffy journey: The hostile but lovely ring-world of Halo…
10. Fill it with Smartees and use it as a piñata at your next birthday party. Because nothing says "winner in life" quite like the sight of a blindfolded 30-year-old man trying to beat the shit out of an old video game machine with a baseball bat.
