A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress: $2,000. Tux rental: $100.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
If you’re 34 and single, nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Flowers fix everything.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you
Hot wax never comes near you pubic area. One mood, all the time.
You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
ESPN’s SportsCenter.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Monday Night Football.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress: $2,000. Tux rental: $100.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
If you’re 34 and single, nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Flowers fix everything.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you
Hot wax never comes near you pubic area. One mood, all the time.
You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
ESPN’s SportsCenter.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
