Laloo And Rabri
After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.
Drunk Driver
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
20 dollars fixes everything
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: "Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"
Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."
So, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."
After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.
Drunk Driver
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
20 dollars fixes everything
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.
George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."
George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"
So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
George: "Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"
Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."
So, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"
George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."
His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"
George: "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."