Drivers in Delhi

H

hellfire

Adept
Here are some witty…sometimes true to life one-liners I’ve heard or invented about drivers/driving in my dil waalon ki Delhi. :bleh:

  1. You know how to drive, the moment you learn where the Accelerator, Brake and Clutch are situated … simple [A] [C] silly!
    [*] You know what driving schools are meant to teach you. Not driving … silly! The Power of Greens.
    [*] You have a Permanent Driving License even before you know the Golden Rule of Driving…you got it right [A] [C] !
    [*] Giving a turn indicator is an information breach.
    [*] Giving a ‘right turn’ indicator, when you have to turn left is the ‘Art of Deception’.
    [*] If you have to change lanes, don’t indicate…otherwise you’ll hear a car somewhere near suddenly revving up or stealthily trying to block you Nascar style. Just slip in quietly and yank the wheel.
    [*] MC-BC IS the road language. Learn it!
    [*] If you hit a car/bike/scooter/pedestrian smaller than you, than beat the pulp out of him and run away.
    [*] If you hit a car/bike/scooter/pedestrian larger than you, than plead guilty, whine for mercy, say your so sorry … all the while stealthily trying to slip out your cellphone to call the police and hope they can make there on time. And hope the big man doesn’t beat the pulp out of you and runs away.
    [*] I have the bigger car (tank) so I have the right to the road more than you.
    [*] If there is an accident, you have to slow down and crane your neck out of the window to have the sanguine pleasure of seeing what happened and discuss it all day, in all gory details, in the office.
    [*] Lanes? What are them? Oh Aliens?
 
hellfire said:
[*] Giving a turn indicator is an information breach.

[*] Giving a ‘right turn’ indicator, when you have to turn left is the ‘Art of Deception’.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more . Nice one's ! :)
 
13. Red Lights are for pussies.

14. Overtaking is my birth right.

15. The "Mamu" is not worth more than Rs. 100 unless ofcourse he catches you having sex in the back of your car.

16. Before you even think of giving me a challan, do keep in mind that I am a relative of xyz politician.

17. I drive better when drunk.
 
Some other cultural nuggets:

1. You are supposed to drink in your car while roaming in the colony with loud music -- since it is frowned upon at home. (Pepsi + whiskey = no one can tell).
2. You may park your car anywhere in a crowded market and stop for shopping, ciggie, urination, chit-chat, loafing around and hold 20 cars behind you.
3. You can swear inside your car at the top of your lunges -- probably the person you are shouting at will hear via ESP or some unknown form of communication.
4. If you are a Sikh then the back of your car or on the bonnet can have a larger than life ek omkara/sikh khanda sticker or KHALSA rule/Republic of Khalsa/Government of Khalsa written.
5. It is all right to walk past a brand new merc/BMW and leave a thin line with your motorcycle/house key on the paint job.
6. You can rip off the MERC logo from the bonnet.
7. If your nickname is Happy,Mickey, Honey, Dubby, Dobby, then it can be stuck anywhere on your vehicle.
8. Always carry a replica (color photocopy + lamination) of your DL. Original is at home.
9. Indicators are not needed for right turns.
10. Indicators are not needed if gender = 'F'.
 
18. Courtesy = Wimp!

19. Don't stop for anyone. Whether blind, or an old woman with a cane, or schoolchildren. If someone gets run over, it's their fault. They should have seen me coming.

20. Brake and accelerate as aggressively as possible. It shows people how important I am, because I must appear to be in a hurry.

21. I have right of way. Always, no matter what the circumstances and my relative position in traffic.

22. I must always drive on high beam. Dipping lights is a sign of weakness and timidity. And while I'm at it, I must get the most powerful lights I can, even if illegal, so I can blind oncoming traffic. What fun, wheeeee!

23. I must honk to get people out of the way. Always. Specially near hospitals, in front of infants being wheeled in prams, in the queue for the tollgate where nobody can move unless the gate is open.

24. Those pretty white lines on the road are meant for me to figure out how fast I can transition from one to the other. The little dashes always are fun, the quicker they move the faster I'm going.

25. I can never understand why people must drive between the little white lines, the line should be below me.

26. There's no cop here and I can't get caught, so let's just jump this signal/unfasten my belt/answer my phone/scratch my nether region

27. This looks like a good place to stop, so let's just do that. So what if it's what everyone calls it the passing lane? What the heck is a passing lane?

28. I can go wherever I want and just when I want. It doesn't matter if I'm in the wrong lane now, eventually I will be in the right one. Even if eventually means 2 meters from the intersection.

29. If I think I'm in the wrong road, I will just reverse. Let's not worry about what is behind me and at what speed.

30. Every pedal must always be pressed to the floor. It helps me destress - specially when I scare the crap out of other people on the road.

31. If a lane is empty in front of me, it must be empty behind me as well, so let's occupy it. Who cares about the person who is behind? He's behind me, isn't he?

32. Other road users? What other road users? It's mine, and mine only!
 
asingh said:
8. Always carry a replica (color photocopy + lamination) of your DL. Original is at home.
Click to expand...

Even i keep the replica of my DL, and the original is kept safe at home, in case i lose at any unforeseen moment. I have been told that's legal , but can anyone pls shed some light ?
 
1) The empty lane for free left turn is meant for me to occupy, esp when the signal is red.

2) I needs the high beam 24 x 7.

3) Lane driving is for loosers. I like watching the white line going down me bonnets.

4) Thy shall never turn off the engine while waiting.

5) Thy shall never put the car in parking lest the attendant takes away 10 rupees. Shan't be bothered by the honking serpentine queue behind.
 
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