Indo pak warfare

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Though an old one but still good to read.

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds
Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. This was their scenario.........

But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan........

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides
to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.

Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.

In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations
begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.

Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia.

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.

The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.

And

we live happily ever after
 
Well I hope that is the case in real world. As I would not wish to kill any innocent people, be they Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians..etc.

It is easy to joke about these things, but if it happens, what will your reaction be.

We are consumed with hate, we need to change ourselves, otherwise it will be too late.

It was NEVER in the Grand Plan of the British Empire to leave India. They deliberately cut it up in the hotspots and left it to DIE. Millions died, most likely alot of members of TE would have been affected by 1947.

Then the great plan started to create two rivals who will be fighting forever. Divide and rule.

The British never left India, they just stepped aside and starting watching us kill ourselves, handing in the odd gun here and there via China, Russia, America.

Wake UP before its too late.

I find this joke disgusting.
 
Well I hope that is the case in real world. As I would not wish to kill any innocent people, be they Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians..etc.

ok...joke was abt pakistan....how religion get into this...
 
Awesome! lol!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

the indian side of making decision $uX!!! + the anti-nuke activists! wth do they want!
its ok that we all die due to the nuke falling on us but we cant retaliate!! wtf!:S

if this was a real scenario assuming pak was not failing its attempts at launching nd hitting the targets! India would've gotten permission to launch oly when 1/2 of india would've already been nuked to shreds!!:mad:

Awesome one btw!:rofl: :hap2:
 
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
I have had this curiosity for years now....mayb the tech gurus over here can help me clear this doubt as well. My question is, what will happen if there is a power cut midway thru the countdown of launch or during ingition:ashamed: ??? wud the missile blow-up there only?:S
 
LMAO!

Old one :) - about 12-13 years old to be exact :p

i think this was the follow - up to the "how to stop a pakistan battle tank" series of jokes
 
Jaspal said:
Then the great plan started to create two rivals who will be fighting forever. Divide and rule.

The British never left India, they just stepped aside and starting watching us kill ourselves, handing in the odd gun here and there via China, Russia, America.

Wake UP before its too late.

I find this joke disgusting.

They never divided us, we divided and still dividing ourselves on the name of anything and every thing that occurred to our minds. They left India because they were in no position to rule a country of our size after World War 2. They stepped aside and we immediately demonstrated how pathetic we can become without someone like them ruling over us. They never had to create a rift, its the typical Indian mentality that's making you blame someone else for what we bought upon ourselves. Whether its a joke or not, this is not just about Pakistan, its about India too. It shows how pathetic, the people of our two nations are. You find it disgusting because truth is always hard to digest.
 
fractal said:

I'd say its a 'slightly depressed' pakistani's view and as far as terrorists go makes for easy recruitment, if it helps to make ends meet.

However the 'button' is in the hands of the army, those are the powerful ppl, whisky drinking with pet dogs & a western outloook, worlds apart from the poor & very religous. They don't have it all so bad. They have manouevered to be at the top, and whose interests would have to be threatened with complete loss before they give it all up.

There's a reason the army won't let the civvies have their finger on the button, no matter what the Americans might say :)

Here's an interesting insight on why Pakistan was created.

Muslim elites in British India, particularly landlords and capitalists, manipulated the incipient ideology of the Muslim League, and fuelled it with incendiary sentiment in order to create a state where they could protect their vested interests. They were not really afraid of "Hindu Raj"; they were terrified of land reform and socialism - however pale a version it might be - that the Congress would enforce. It is no accident that till today there has been no serious land reform in Pakistan. Gandhi's honest faith in Hinduism was maliciously exploited to spread the perfidy that India would never offer an equal place to Muslims.
 
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