This is an old joke, but still draws a lot of laughs. Enjoy
Between 61's and 80's, the cold war between US and USSR was such that if
> > USA launched a Nuke-loaded missile, USSR's satellites were capable of
> > informing USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45 seconds USSR would
> > also launch its counter-missile. US knew that, and therefore, never
> > attempted to launch one.
> > Recent studies commissioned by US DOD included one likely scenario on a
> > nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
> > INDO-PAK WAR...
> > Pak army decides to launch a Nuke-missile towards India... They don't
need
> > any permission from their government, and promptly launch the missile.
> > Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian
army
> > detects it and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need
> > permission from The Government of India. They submit their request to
the
> > Indian President.
> > The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an
> > emergency Lok Sabha (i.e., LS) session. After three days, when the LS
> > meets, due to several walkouts and severe protest by the opposition, it
> > gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.
> > In the meantime, the Pak missile failed to take off due to unknown
> > reasons. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.
> > Meanwhile, the Indian ruling party is reduced to minority because a
party,
> > giving outside support, withdraws support. Therefore, its first task is
> > now to get majority. The President asks the PM to prove majority within
a
> > week. Meanwhile, an external affairs spokesman requests Pak for some
> > bilateral talks, at the secretary and minister levels.
> > Next week, as the ruling party was not able to get confidence vote, a
> > caretaker government is installed. The acting PM decides to permit the
> > armed forces to launch the Nuclear Missile. But the Election Commission
> > says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because
> > elections are at hand and this decision might affect the swing of votes
in
> > the election.
> > A PIL (Public Interest Litigation) is filed in the Supreme Court of
India,
> > alleging misuse of power by the Election commission. The Supreme Court
> > comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to
> > take this decision, in the interests of the nation.
> > In between, one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell
367
> > miles away from the target on a government building at 11:00 AM. But
there
> > were no casualties since no employee had reached the office by then. In
> > any case, the nuclear core of missile had detached some where in flight.
> > Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and
USA.
> > US condemns the use of a nuclear missile by Pakistan, and offers to send
> > its seventh fleet in Indian Ocean. The Indian government, wary of the
> > move, declines. The Indian government finally decides to launch a
nuclear
> > missile, after convening an all party meeting. This time all the parties
> > agree.
> > It's three months since the army had sought permission.
> > But this time, some "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come on
road
> > against the government's decision. Human chains are being made in
> > CA, LA and Washington for peace. Many E-mails are sent to Indians
> > condemning the government and mentioning
> > "Please forward it to as many Indians as
> > possible."
> >
> > On the Pakistan side, the missiles keep failing. Some time they fail to
> > take-off, some time the payload gets detached from the missile during
> > flight. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or
> > high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan, these missiles are neutralized
by
> > Pak itself, as these missiles are now moving backwards towards Karachi.
> > A missile (smuggled from USA) is used. Since Pakistan army is unable to
> > understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia.
> > Russians successfully intercept the missile and in retaliation, launch a
> > nuclear missile towards Islamabad. (Note: Russian missiles never fail.)
> > The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help.
It
> > asks for loans from the IMF and the World Bank. India expresses deep
> > regrets for what had happened and sends in a million dollar worth of
> > soaps.
> > So in the end, India never got to launch the missile. Pak never got it
> > right and got themselves screwed. Indian Diplomacy at its best!
> > Conclusion reached by the DOD: Kashmir is now no longer a dangerous
> > flashpoint, and they turn their attention towards Osama Bin Laden! And
> > they lived happily ever after.
Between 61's and 80's, the cold war between US and USSR was such that if
> > USA launched a Nuke-loaded missile, USSR's satellites were capable of
> > informing USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45 seconds USSR would
> > also launch its counter-missile. US knew that, and therefore, never
> > attempted to launch one.
> > Recent studies commissioned by US DOD included one likely scenario on a
> > nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
> > INDO-PAK WAR...
> > Pak army decides to launch a Nuke-missile towards India... They don't
need
> > any permission from their government, and promptly launch the missile.
> > Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian
army
> > detects it and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need
> > permission from The Government of India. They submit their request to
the
> > Indian President.
> > The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an
> > emergency Lok Sabha (i.e., LS) session. After three days, when the LS
> > meets, due to several walkouts and severe protest by the opposition, it
> > gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.
> > In the meantime, the Pak missile failed to take off due to unknown
> > reasons. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.
> > Meanwhile, the Indian ruling party is reduced to minority because a
party,
> > giving outside support, withdraws support. Therefore, its first task is
> > now to get majority. The President asks the PM to prove majority within
a
> > week. Meanwhile, an external affairs spokesman requests Pak for some
> > bilateral talks, at the secretary and minister levels.
> > Next week, as the ruling party was not able to get confidence vote, a
> > caretaker government is installed. The acting PM decides to permit the
> > armed forces to launch the Nuclear Missile. But the Election Commission
> > says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because
> > elections are at hand and this decision might affect the swing of votes
in
> > the election.
> > A PIL (Public Interest Litigation) is filed in the Supreme Court of
India,
> > alleging misuse of power by the Election commission. The Supreme Court
> > comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to
> > take this decision, in the interests of the nation.
> > In between, one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell
367
> > miles away from the target on a government building at 11:00 AM. But
there
> > were no casualties since no employee had reached the office by then. In
> > any case, the nuclear core of missile had detached some where in flight.
> > Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and
USA.
> > US condemns the use of a nuclear missile by Pakistan, and offers to send
> > its seventh fleet in Indian Ocean. The Indian government, wary of the
> > move, declines. The Indian government finally decides to launch a
nuclear
> > missile, after convening an all party meeting. This time all the parties
> > agree.
> > It's three months since the army had sought permission.
> > But this time, some "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come on
road
> > against the government's decision. Human chains are being made in
> > CA, LA and Washington for peace. Many E-mails are sent to Indians
> > condemning the government and mentioning
> > "Please forward it to as many Indians as
> > possible."
> >
> > On the Pakistan side, the missiles keep failing. Some time they fail to
> > take-off, some time the payload gets detached from the missile during
> > flight. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or
> > high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan, these missiles are neutralized
by
> > Pak itself, as these missiles are now moving backwards towards Karachi.
> > A missile (smuggled from USA) is used. Since Pakistan army is unable to
> > understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia.
> > Russians successfully intercept the missile and in retaliation, launch a
> > nuclear missile towards Islamabad. (Note: Russian missiles never fail.)
> > The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help.
It
> > asks for loans from the IMF and the World Bank. India expresses deep
> > regrets for what had happened and sends in a million dollar worth of
> > soaps.
> > So in the end, India never got to launch the missile. Pak never got it
> > right and got themselves screwed. Indian Diplomacy at its best!
> > Conclusion reached by the DOD: Kashmir is now no longer a dangerous
> > flashpoint, and they turn their attention towards Osama Bin Laden! And
> > they lived happily ever after.