Some may be familiar:
--Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
--Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
--If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
--A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
--Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
--Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill your house 4 inches deep.
--Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you
should.
--If you look like your passport photo you're not well enough to travel.
--How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
--If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
--Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
--Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.
--Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
--A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
--Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
--Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same
reason.
--Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
--Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
--No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
--The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
--Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
--Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
--Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
--Diplomacy is the art of saying ''good doggie'' while looking for a bigger stick.
--He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
--Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
--The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
--Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
--Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
--All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
--Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
--For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
--Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
--If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
--If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use looking like a fool.
--If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
--If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
--Never ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
--The beatings will continue until morale improves.
--What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
--You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
--When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
--The glass is either half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be.
--Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
--Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
--If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
--A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
--Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
--Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill your house 4 inches deep.
--Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you
should.
--If you look like your passport photo you're not well enough to travel.
--How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
--If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
--Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
--Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.
--Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
--A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
--Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
--Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same
reason.
--Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
--Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
--No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
--The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
--Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
--Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
--Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
--Diplomacy is the art of saying ''good doggie'' while looking for a bigger stick.
--He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
--Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
--The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
--Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
--Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
--All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
--Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
--For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
--Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
--If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
--If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use looking like a fool.
--If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
--If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
--Never ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
--The beatings will continue until morale improves.
--What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
--You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
--When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
--The glass is either half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be.
hyeah: