bluediamond
Discoverer
NB: No offence meant to any sardars here( as per the request of xt)
this is a mail forward..
this is a mail forward..
Sardarji jokes
- Thread starter bluediamond
- Start date
Actually, I 2 Had Some Of'Em But Was Afraid... To Post Them Here...
But Now As This Thread Has Been Started, Lets' Post Some...
This 2 Is An *Un-Quoted* E-Mail Forward And SOME PART OF THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL SORT OF PEOPLE...NO PART OF THIS POST HAS TO DO ANYTHING WITH ANY OF THE PUNJABIS OUT THERE...
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the
other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops.
However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish
person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got
the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got
the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on
an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles
to the next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined
to get home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired,
and drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired
and drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he
started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he
swam all the way back to the island.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Logic
Santasigh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of
his non-sardar friends came home.
Friend: Santasighji How is your MBA preparation?
SantaSingh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santasigh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.
Santasigh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Bantasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply
saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married
my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so
on. so please excuse me !!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an
illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him
for weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He
thought and thought and thought and this sardarji being a little
intelligent fellow finally he got an idea that he can go with that
letter to his friend and ask his friend to read that letter for him.
So he made all the plans to reach his friend. Finally he reached his
friend's house on one fine morning and he explains all the story, but
still he does not want his friend to know what that letter contains
(the letter being very personal and meant for only to the sardarji),
so again he thought and thought and thought for one week and finally
he got an idea.......So this was the situation what our GREAT FRIEND
SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he is going to do with his
final idea....?????
(Ans): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to
read the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is
reading.......
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will
Rajdhani Express go from here?"
Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
Man Replies 11.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here?"
Man Replies 10.30.
Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.
Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by
train or not.
Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on
station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him
on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This
guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more
service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is
beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He
replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has
woken up someone else!!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
High-Tech American, Japanese and Banta Singh
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in
the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed
his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him
questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip
under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his
ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have
a microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had
to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and
went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging
from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow!
What's that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train. Sardar
was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress, but he
was unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase and said "
Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box, but he could
not open it. Pathan came, opened the box and said "Pathan Sher ka
bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open the door of the toilet but
he could not. Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and
said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar became angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata,
teri ma jungle gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?" and went off
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over
phone.
Sardar had taken the receiver.
Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
Sardar : Servant Sir.
Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
Sardar : What can I do now sir?
Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them,
come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the
swimming pool
Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
Sardar : Yes Sir
Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh
was singing a song.
After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started
singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you
hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he
came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled
there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in
his application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they
wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought
for a long time before coming up with an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and
asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied
Banta with joy.
The sardarni asked his lover, Santa Singh "Santa darling, if we get
engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure" said Santa, "what's your
phone number?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardar is so stupid that: -
He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
He gets stabbed in a shoot out
He sends a fax with a stamp on it
He tries to drown a fish
He tries to push a bird of a cliff
He thinks socialism means partying
He trips over a cordless phone
He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
He puts Sagittarius in the box for "sign here" o the application form
He studies for a blood test and fails
He sells the car for gas money
He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said "Airport Left"
turns around and goes home
He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
He calls you to get your phone number
He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
concentrate
He tells you to meet at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"
He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
He sits on the TV and watches the couch
He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
He puts "Hooked on Phonics" under education on the application form
He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
He ask for a price check at the dollar store
He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not
admitted)
He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game
of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had
left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first
inning,he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another
seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when
a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the the person.
Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go
back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had
purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke.The
line at the concession stand was also very long, but since the game
hadn't started he decided to wait.Just as he got to the window, a
voice called out "Hey, Balbir!"
Again He got out of line as he wandered looking for that person.But
no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke.
Finally, he had his coke and took his seat, eager for the game to
begin.As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice
calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once more
He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't
Balbir!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend
says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The
other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they
weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't
mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both
his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The
other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break
they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the
friend says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."
Santa answers: "I do not believe that."
They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine
after the film.
It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink
together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.
Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I
saw the film for the second time."
Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not
think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and
we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the
same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs
his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem
remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in
his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still
wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar,
bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some
time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So
he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa
crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my
finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!
Did I Said Some... Sorry I Mean To Say I've Lots Of Em...
Sardars Will Hate Me For This... :ashamed:
But Now As This Thread Has Been Started, Lets' Post Some...
This 2 Is An *Un-Quoted* E-Mail Forward And SOME PART OF THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL SORT OF PEOPLE...NO PART OF THIS POST HAS TO DO ANYTHING WITH ANY OF THE PUNJABIS OUT THERE...
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the
other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops.
However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish
person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got
the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got
the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on
an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles
to the next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined
to get home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired,
and drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired
and drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he
started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he
swam all the way back to the island.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Logic
Santasigh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of
his non-sardar friends came home.
Friend: Santasighji How is your MBA preparation?
SantaSingh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santasigh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.
Santasigh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Bantasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply
saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married
my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so
on. so please excuse me !!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an
illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him
for weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He
thought and thought and thought and this sardarji being a little
intelligent fellow finally he got an idea that he can go with that
letter to his friend and ask his friend to read that letter for him.
So he made all the plans to reach his friend. Finally he reached his
friend's house on one fine morning and he explains all the story, but
still he does not want his friend to know what that letter contains
(the letter being very personal and meant for only to the sardarji),
so again he thought and thought and thought for one week and finally
he got an idea.......So this was the situation what our GREAT FRIEND
SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he is going to do with his
final idea....?????
(Ans): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to
read the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is
reading.......
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will
Rajdhani Express go from here?"
Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
Man Replies 11.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here?"
Man Replies 10.30.
Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.
Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by
train or not.
Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on
station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him
on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This
guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more
service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is
beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He
replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has
woken up someone else!!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
High-Tech American, Japanese and Banta Singh
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in
the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed
his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him
questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip
under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his
ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have
a microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had
to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and
went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging
from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow!
What's that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train. Sardar
was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress, but he
was unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase and said "
Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box, but he could
not open it. Pathan came, opened the box and said "Pathan Sher ka
bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open the door of the toilet but
he could not. Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and
said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar became angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata,
teri ma jungle gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?" and went off
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over
phone.
Sardar had taken the receiver.
Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
Sardar : Servant Sir.
Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
Sardar : What can I do now sir?
Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them,
come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the
swimming pool
Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
Sardar : Yes Sir
Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh
was singing a song.
After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started
singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you
hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he
came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled
there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in
his application form, he was told that it was wrong and what they
wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought
for a long time before coming up with an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and
asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied
Banta with joy.
The sardarni asked his lover, Santa Singh "Santa darling, if we get
engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure" said Santa, "what's your
phone number?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardar is so stupid that: -
He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
He gets stabbed in a shoot out
He sends a fax with a stamp on it
He tries to drown a fish
He tries to push a bird of a cliff
He thinks socialism means partying
He trips over a cordless phone
He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
He puts Sagittarius in the box for "sign here" o the application form
He studies for a blood test and fails
He sells the car for gas money
He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said "Airport Left"
turns around and goes home
He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
He calls you to get your phone number
He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
concentrate
He tells you to meet at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"
He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
He sits on the TV and watches the couch
He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
He puts "Hooked on Phonics" under education on the application form
He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
He ask for a price check at the dollar store
He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not
admitted)
He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game
of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had
left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first
inning,he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another
seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when
a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the the person.
Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go
back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had
purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke.The
line at the concession stand was also very long, but since the game
hadn't started he decided to wait.Just as he got to the window, a
voice called out "Hey, Balbir!"
Again He got out of line as he wandered looking for that person.But
no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke.
Finally, he had his coke and took his seat, eager for the game to
begin.As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice
calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once more
He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't
Balbir!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend
says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The
other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they
weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't
mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both
his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The
other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break
they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the
friend says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."
Santa answers: "I do not believe that."
They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine
after the film.
It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink
together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.
Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I
saw the film for the second time."
Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not
think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and
we had to spend sleepless nights. A Surd was also experiencing the
same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs
his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem
remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in
his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still
wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar,
bete so ja (Go to sleep, O dear mosquito, go to sleep)" After some
time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So
he goes near it and says "guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa
crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my
finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!
Did I Said Some... Sorry I Mean To Say I've Lots Of Em...
Sardars Will Hate Me For This... :ashamed:
Sorry All Papajis'
*********************************************************************
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway
and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?"
and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After
some time the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite
direction, peeped into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya
kya?" and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the
surd was teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same
thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but
the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but
suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye
kya?" The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond
rahatha."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises
him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research
in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table
and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he
asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks
the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks
it to jump. The rog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask
the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his
thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring
country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others
tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered
the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true
stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will
prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home
and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on
his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed.
There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier
to call and check!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot
bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot
bath."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to tell his wife while
leaving for the office: "Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa."
One day his wife fed up of this, answered: "Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke
Baap."
That ended the husband's jokes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Banta started to explain his Adventure.
He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high
level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time.
He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any
Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he
can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for
the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He went towards the next house and without taking any
risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a
sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory.
"oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right
hand you would have suffered triple than this"
"I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only
my right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave
my left hand inside"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan,
please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my
house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often
ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why
won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my
life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this sardarji replies, "oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,
Wash Basin"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.He
takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes
off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks
what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar",
he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm
going to jump off this building."The Italian opened his lunch box and
exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to
jump off, too."
The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get
paratha and dal one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and
cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees
pasta and jumps too.
The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dal and jumps to his death
also..
At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I
had known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says "I could have given him pizza
or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned
and stared at the Surd's wife...
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He used to cook his own lunch!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low
all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras
here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few
minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'.
How does he know that?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
The Greatest Inventions planned by Prof. Santa Singh and Prof. Banta
Singh!
1. Water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot
screamed "The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they
touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the
runaway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up
in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again
and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid
Americans, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a
short runaway". I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a
Sardarji, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He
opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his
house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went
to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily,
back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here our Sardarji came again, looking very heated up.
He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder
than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something
wrong?" To which the ferocious Sardar replied, " There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is
not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck
is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with
us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50%
of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the
other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't
quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience
for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie
will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our
movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes
are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles,
for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through
the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help
yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Punjab University Exam
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana" is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges? (a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you
have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)? (a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand
New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did
you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine
kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the
woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to
me "Mr Singh, take anything you want"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa"
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta - kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good show -
you wouldn't have fit into her clothes)]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
There was a conference on the supernatural being held in the New
York. Santa Singh is attending Primarily because he has nothing
better to do on that perticular day.
The guy making the speech asks, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of verbal interaction with a
ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, make love to a
ghost?"
One hand stays up. The crowd is all silent. The speaker blinks and he
gets closeer to the speaker.(Santa Singh)
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual
contact with a ghost?"
Santa suddenly get his hand down and bushes, Ghost? "I thought you
said goat"
*********************************************************************
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway
and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?"
and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After
some time the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite
direction, peeped into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya
kya?" and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the
surd was teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same
thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but
the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but
suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye
kya?" The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond
rahatha."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises
him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research
in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table
and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he
asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks
the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks
it to jump. The rog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask
the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his
thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring
country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others
tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered
the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true
stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will
prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home
and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on
his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed.
There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier
to call and check!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot
bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot
bath."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to tell his wife while
leaving for the office: "Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa."
One day his wife fed up of this, answered: "Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke
Baap."
That ended the husband's jokes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Banta started to explain his Adventure.
He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high
level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time.
He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any
Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he
can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for
the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He went towards the next house and without taking any
risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a
sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory.
"oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right
hand you would have suffered triple than this"
"I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only
my right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave
my left hand inside"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan,
please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my
house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often
ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why
won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my
life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this sardarji replies, "oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,
Wash Basin"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.He
takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes
off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks
what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar",
he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm
going to jump off this building."The Italian opened his lunch box and
exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to
jump off, too."
The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get
paratha and dal one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and
cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees
pasta and jumps too.
The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dal and jumps to his death
also..
At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I
had known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says "I could have given him pizza
or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned
and stared at the Surd's wife...
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He used to cook his own lunch!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low
all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras
here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few
minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'.
How does he know that?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
The Greatest Inventions planned by Prof. Santa Singh and Prof. Banta
Singh!
1. Water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag
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Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot
screamed "The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they
touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the
runaway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up
in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again
and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid
Americans, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a
short runaway". I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it."
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a
Sardarji, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He
opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his
house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went
to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily,
back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here our Sardarji came again, looking very heated up.
He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder
than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something
wrong?" To which the ferocious Sardar replied, " There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
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Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is
not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck
is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with
us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50%
of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the
other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't
quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience
for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie
will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our
movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes
are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles,
for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through
the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help
yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.
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Punjab University Exam
Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana" is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges? (a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you
have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)? (a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
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Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand
New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did
you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine
kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the
woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to
me "Mr Singh, take anything you want"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa"
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta - kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good show -
you wouldn't have fit into her clothes)]
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There was a conference on the supernatural being held in the New
York. Santa Singh is attending Primarily because he has nothing
better to do on that perticular day.
The guy making the speech asks, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of verbal interaction with a
ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, make love to a
ghost?"
One hand stays up. The crowd is all silent. The speaker blinks and he
gets closeer to the speaker.(Santa Singh)
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual
contact with a ghost?"
Santa suddenly get his hand down and bushes, Ghost? "I thought you
said goat"
XTerminator
Explorer
Wow.........
those were some awesome jokes....
made a good reading
those were some awesome jokes....
made a good reading
bluediamond
Discoverer
so long! cant sardarji make small jokes 
* lagta hai sardarji jokes mere sar pe chad gaya
* lagta hai sardarji jokes mere sar pe chad gaya