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Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?

They prefer cricket matches!

What stories are told by basketball players?

Tall stories!

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They we're tied!

Why are football players never asked for dinner?

Because they're always dribbling!

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?

Because he liked sole music!

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea!

Where do footballers dance?

At a football!
 
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ion!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!

What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
Jog-raphy!

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks!

Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!
 
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!

When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!

Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!
 
Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
He was the skipper!

Why are football grounds odd?
Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!

What part of a football ground is never the same?
The changing rooms!

Why did the goal post get angry?
Because the bar was rattled!

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner!

Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!
 
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