Standard Pakistani response template
Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/ Atal Bihari Vajpayee /Narasimha
Rao/Rajiv Gandhi,
Pakistan strongly condemns/is shocked by /is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters" in the loss of dozens/
hundreds/thousands/millionsof innocent lives in the bomb blasts/sniper
attack/hijacking /religious riots/other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace/
train/housing colony /Indian parliament building/templeinMumbai/ Bangalore
/Kashmir /Assam/Punjab/ Gujarat/Other.
The Pakistani citizens/soldiers/"freedom fighters" / "friendship agents"/students who werecaught red-handed/found dead at the scene of the crime/ convicted of
the crime are actually undercover Indian/American/ Israeli agents. Any
Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded/handsomely/dealt with severely/promoted to Lt. Colonel/given a new Indian passport and sent back to India /handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.
There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps /terrorist camps/madrasaas in Azad Kashmir/ Afghanistan/ Nepal /Bangladesh. The satellite
images/photographs/eyewitness accounts/videotaped confessions obtained by the
Indians is fraudulent/ fake/ inconclusive /are actually from Indian terrorist camps and is part of a larger RAW/CIAconspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani
government by stalling democracy/encouraging sectarian/violence/undermining Pakistani/institutions/ causing the next military coup in Pakistan . A destabilized
Pakistani government/mafia could cause Pakistan to become a dangerous
nuclear/Wal-Mart/ Target/Seven-Elevenand a terrorist breeding
ground/university/research lab that would be worse for the world.
We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent
India-Pakistan cricket series/Lahore bus yatra/Muzafarabad-Srinagar road
opening/Bollywood peace concert/open borders initiative/ other
confidence-building measures. We look forward tojustifying further attacks
against innocentcivilians/resolving the core issue of Kashmir/ developing best-of-breed
plausible deniability defenses.
We stand by/are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour/ days /
years /decades of pain.
Signed,
Pervez Musharraf
Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/ Atal Bihari Vajpayee /Narasimha
Rao/Rajiv Gandhi,
Pakistan strongly condemns/is shocked by /is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters" in the loss of dozens/
hundreds/thousands/millionsof innocent lives in the bomb blasts/sniper
attack/hijacking /religious riots/other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace/
train/housing colony /Indian parliament building/templeinMumbai/ Bangalore
/Kashmir /Assam/Punjab/ Gujarat/Other.
The Pakistani citizens/soldiers/"freedom fighters" / "friendship agents"/students who werecaught red-handed/found dead at the scene of the crime/ convicted of
the crime are actually undercover Indian/American/ Israeli agents. Any
Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded/handsomely/dealt with severely/promoted to Lt. Colonel/given a new Indian passport and sent back to India /handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.
There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps /terrorist camps/madrasaas in Azad Kashmir/ Afghanistan/ Nepal /Bangladesh. The satellite
images/photographs/eyewitness accounts/videotaped confessions obtained by the
Indians is fraudulent/ fake/ inconclusive /are actually from Indian terrorist camps and is part of a larger RAW/CIAconspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani
government by stalling democracy/encouraging sectarian/violence/undermining Pakistani/institutions/ causing the next military coup in Pakistan . A destabilized
Pakistani government/mafia could cause Pakistan to become a dangerous
nuclear/Wal-Mart/ Target/Seven-Elevenand a terrorist breeding
ground/university/research lab that would be worse for the world.
We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent
India-Pakistan cricket series/Lahore bus yatra/Muzafarabad-Srinagar road
opening/Bollywood peace concert/open borders initiative/ other
confidence-building measures. We look forward tojustifying further attacks
against innocentcivilians/resolving the core issue of Kashmir/ developing best-of-breed
plausible deniability defenses.
We stand by/are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour/ days /
years /decades of pain.
Signed,
Pervez Musharraf