STEVE JOBS is apparently planning to do what no other Messiah has done before him - he is planning to quit.
Normally the way for those to leave a religious cult they have created is to be nailed up, shot, get arrested, or die in office, but the dark satanic rumour mill is suggesting that Steve is planning to just walk away from the Apple cult he created.
The people at Gizmodo have been going over the transcripts of the last time Steve took to the stage to present the new same-as-the-old-one-but-this-is-aluminium MacBook to the cheers of the faithful.
They say there are signs that Steve is getting ready to ascend, if not to heaven, at least to a nice retirement home.
The first sign is economic ruin, the next is a comet, the third is the establishment of a One World government based in Rome and the rebuilding of the Jewish temple in Jerusalem.
No, not really. The signs apparently included Steve telling the zealots at the conference that Apple is more than himself and introducing his disciples, sorry his staff.
According to Gismodo it was a bit like Christ allocating new jobs after his crucifiction with Peter getting the top job in Rome which ultimately ended up with a big church next to the INQ's Roman office being staffed by a former member of the Hitler Youth.
Unlike Christ's disciples, who got called Christians, Steve's are going to be known as "the guys, the Goodfellas, the A-Team".
He said that the Guys share the same vision he has and are going to push the company forward when "I change my office chair for a hammock and caipirinhas on my private beach in Hawaii".
Tim Cook took the stage wearing Steve's sacred colour scheme of blue jeans and black top. To watchers of other religions this is the same as collecting the Pope's mitre or kissing Steve Jobs' ring.
According to Gizmodo this symbolically puts Cook on the same level as the thin white duke and eases the future potential power transition in the minds of the faithful.
While it is possible that Jobs' is not dying, he has had the realisation that there is more to life than flogging expensive toys to spotty smug gits and it is time to spend some of the money he has earned enjoying himself, before it is too late. µ
L'Inq
Gizmodo
