Your biggest regret(s) in life

[red dragon]

Growing up, no matter how hard we try, how hard we worked, we can't always fulfil all our commitments, some of us take completely wrong decisions and face the consequences, few lucky ones among us get back on track and try to make amends.
Even those who live relatively safe lives and make right choices make small mistakes.
Basically we all live with some regrets ( we acknowledge it or not is a completely different matter)
What is/ are your biggest regrets in life so far?

For me, it's death of my parents, both passed away within a year in 2013-14, my biggest regret in life is death of my dad, who passed away during his morning walk, in a park bench, unfortunately that day, there was no one in the park who knew him...I was @ home and got a call from police station...don't exactly remember the sequence of events as I blacked out in the hospital, where he was taken by a kind gentleman)
My mom got diagnosed with the worst possible cancer ( in tail of pancreas) the same year. The pain was unbearable, but this time we fought, my sister ( an interventional radiologist now in Amsterdam) was a final year DM resident at that time, she with her boss did a fantastic job of blocking the coeliac plexus ( extremely difficult minimally invasive procedure) which worked like magic.
But she passed away within 10 months ( but the pain was gone and I spent all those days with my mom in our old house....but it had dire consequences too..which I realized a lot later)

Also Iost 2 very close person in 2020, one in Italy to Corona, another in India few days back. And I couldn't reach either of them in time.

What are yours'? If you don't have any, please let us know that too. It will help scarred people like me.

 

[NotMyRealName]

This one's easy.

Selling off my RD350 for 23k in 2003...

On a more serious note, no point having big regrets in life otherwise the whole of life itself will be one big regret. Humans make mistakes.

Kind of a coincidence, my parents passed away close too, 2000 and 2003.

 

[Rockfella]

Having no ambition in life and thinking like a brute.
Will keep on adding details.

This one's easy.

Selling off my RD350 for 23k in 2003...

On a more serious note, no point having big regrets in life otherwise the whole of life itself will be one big regret. Humans make mistakes.

Kind of a coincidence, my parents passed away close too, 2000 and 2003.

On a more serious note, no point having big regrets in life otherwise the whole of life itself will be one big regret. Humans make mistakes : Seconded.

 

[NotMyRealName]

Having no ambition in life and thinking like a brute.

I wouldn't call that a regret. Simple way to live really.

I mean Ambani has made all this money. He can't take one paisa when he does. Of course he will leave it to his kids. But what about when they die? It's a perpetual cycle of nothing.

What's important is to (try to) live happy with whatever life has given/taken away from you. Easier said than done but the foolish trivial pursuits most people keep chasing are even stupider.

My outlook on life is probably quite nihilistic, but i believe everything has its purpose and then ends. Even the Sun for example. So instead of trying to find meaning in everything just accept what is, live (again happily), and die when the time comes with no regrets.

 

[pratikb]

Worst regret is to not listen to closest relatibe of my now ex wife. She was telling me not to marry the lady and she even tried through my driver.

 

[red dragon]

Think I couldn't convey my point properly. This is not about dwelling on your regrets.
More often than not, our regrets are our biggest secrets. And I'm a big believer of the saying " we are sick as our secrets".
I try to learn from those regrets, like after loosing baba, I negotiated with myself...that no matter what, if my ma gets seriously sick someday, I will spend every second of my spare time with her..which I did. Something really bad happened for that eventually...but I don't regret that.
Now at this age ( I'm really old...in 40s) life has taught me 3 very important things..
1. Karma is a b**ch, but if you really want to make amends, you can tame that b**ch to a certain degree.
2. Spirituality is not about God, heaven etc. It's all about your relationships ( including with your own self) and if one can sort that out, everything falls into places.
3. Money is very important. But you don't live to earn money, rather earn to live ( it sounds super silly, but spare 2 seconds on it, it does make sense)
Acknowledging our regrets, working constantly to avoid such thing happening again indeed helps.
If we don't deal with our regrets, they often turn into that terrible feelings of guilt and self pity. And that's a lethal combination.

 

[Rockfella]

Think I couldn't convey my point properly. This is not about dwelling on your regrets.
More often than not, our regrets are our biggest secrets. And I'm a big believer of the saying " we are sick as our secrets".
I try to learn from those regrets, like after loosing baba, I negotiated with myself...that no matter what, if my ma gets seriously sick someday, I will spend every second of my spare time with her..which I did. Something really bad happened for that eventually...but I don't regret that.
Now at this age ( I'm really old...in 40s) life has taught me 3 very important things..
1. Karma is a b**ch, but if you really want to make amends, you can tame that b**ch to a certain degree.
2. Spirituality is not about God, heaven etc. It's all about your relationships ( including with your own self) and if one can sort that out, everything falls into places.
3. Money is very important. But you don't live to earn money, rather earn to live ( it sounds super silly, but spare 2 seconds on it, it does make sense)
Acknowledging our regrets, working constantly to avoid such thing happening again indeed helps.
If we don't deal with our regrets, they often turn into that terrible feelings of guilt and self pity. And that's a lethal combination.

I'm in my 40's too. I don't feel really old lol... I just feel bored at times hahahaha ..

 

[Ebil]

@red dragon what you described was not regret, but rather misfortune? I'm sorry for your loss btw.

My regrets? Way too many to count. It's like, my life is full of mistakes and regrets. Time has a way of things you know, it almost feels like you have enough until it's too late...and I dont ever learn from my mistakes, I just repeat them. and then begins the guilt and self loathing spiral. It usually takes me 6-8 months to climb my way out only to dig another hole to bury myself in. It's kind of comfortable here tho. I guess I got used to it hah

 

[aahigayeham]

Following this.
As someone in his early 20s, I had always intended on making a post on this forum about the lessons the veterans may have to share so I could know better in the situations they asked me to be mindful about, but that never materialized. So, I thank you for making this and I offer my condolences for your loss.

Spirituality is not about God, heaven etc. It's all about your relationships ( including with your own self) and if one can sort that out, everything falls into places.

I 100 percent agree with this. So many proclaimed pundits trying to sell anything under the mask of spirituality but I despite being so young learned this bit a bit late:
Social relations.

You could not resort to self soothing means, have one of the perfect diets, follow the best routine, and still end up being the most vulnerable if you don't have any social relations as opposed to people doing everything otherwise yet having strong relationships to fall back on.
It's something I've struggled with a fair bit; there was this sense of despair everytime I'd return home and sleep until I realized how important relationships are in my life.
So, I've started being a bit more mindful about devoting more time to my family and spend some more time making the right friends.

As the grandma in 'Fleabag' put it, 'People are all we've got'

 

[red dragon]

I'm in my 40's too. I don't feel really old lol... I just feel bored at times hahahaha ..

I also don't feel old specially in bed...but love to brag about my age.
No buddy, it's a regret...my old man struggled a lot to make 2 of his 3 kids doctors and one a PhD.
And the doctors failed him.

 

[raksrules]

I regret not getting a green card (or at least a shot at it) when I was in US.
I know I have to move on and now I may probably never be able to go back.
It is not like life is bad here for me but personally would have preferred to be in US.

 

[red dragon]

Come on people, open up...trust me it helps. People think I'm an idiot to open up about my addiction issues in a public forum.
But opening up about it was the first baby step in recovery.
I have talked about my addiction, depression, suicidal thoughts in front of thousands of people, in fact my carrier in public health started in this thing.
And I do believe that I had accumulated some good ones trying to help the people like me trapped deep in that hellish prison.
And in a strange twist of fate I fell for an woman from a different country and completely different socioeconomic backgrounds, yet an former addict.
Nothing in my life felt this right ever before. Despite all the differences and recent break ups ( while we were just friends, our discussion revolved around the lack of logic in marriage and how old fashioned the concept is) we ended up living together, blessed with a beautiful kid and finally got married after some drama from both ends.
Opening up to one another healed us completely..and were really really happy and content together.

 

[rdst_1]

Only have 2 regrets till now. First being not able to live upto my potential in lots of things I have tried. Still not too old at 33 to get rid of this stigma, but I have had a tendency to start something with a lot of passion and then become lazy or undisciplined and then try and find something new to be excited about. Have repeated this across many sports and then even my studies at important junctures of my life. However, it is more of a stigma than regret as I am quite happy where all this has led me to at this point of my life.
Second is a very latest regret about building this kinda big house (not really big but much bigger than our current needs) instead of holding on to our savings, especially when also starting a new life as a farmer. This one is a real regret ,as now, I feel having, and especially maintaining a big house is very wasteful - both in terms of money and other natural resource. Should have built a nice cottage instead but still it's not too bad of a regret to have. Maybe I am not yet old enough or not faced any big consequences of my actions till now to have much serious regrets.

 

[NotMyRealName]

I'm in my 40's too. I don't feel really old lol...

I'm almost 40 and i feel really old. Kinda dreading actually hitting the 4 decade mark for some reason...

I regret not getting a green card (or at least a shot at it) when I was in US.
I know I have to move on and now I may probably never be able to go back.
It is not like life is bad here for me but personally would have preferred to be in US.

I have a friend in the exact same boat. He came back about 3-4 years ago. He's still passively trying though, and will go as soon as he gets an opportunity.

...but I have had a tendency to start something with a lot of passion and then become lazy or undisciplined and then try and find something new to be excited about. Have repeated this across many sports and then even my studies at important junctures of my life...

I have the exact same problem. Start tons of things and then it's too much to even finish one because of all the other stuff going on at the same time. I guess the solution is being more organized and better time management. Also, setting realistic goals.

 

[red dragon]

Oh!! I have another major regret..not being able to visit every part of India ( planned it last year, but things somewhat got bad)- mostly due to financial issues...we practically didn't have much @ childhood. My escape from reality was reading and studies.
My dad was an honest person. He told me that we can't afford travel to distant places, but be he could buy me books about different places/ countries...which he did...and I read those books over and over again.
From there actually my obsession with Africa started.
Now I don't have any regrets about travel as I have been fortunate enough to travel almost the entire world in last 4-5 years, but India remained elusive. That's a big one, I'll probably die with.

@red dragon what you described was not regret, but rather misfortune? I'm sorry for your loss btw.

My regrets? Way too many to count. It's like, my life is full of mistakes and regrets. Time has a way of things you know, it almost feels like you have enough until it's too late...and I dont ever learn from my mistakes, I just repeat them. and then begins the guilt and self loathing spiral. It usually takes me 6-8 months to climb my way out only to dig another hole to bury myself in. It's kind of comfortable here tho. I guess I got used to it hah

Now, that's an honest confession..you have taken a big step in admitting and probably acceptance.
Now please, with all sincerity ask your higher power ( not necessarily God etc. Can be anyone, anything...bigger than you) for help and surrender to that power.
Please make a list of things that you've missed, made a mess of ( my list is huge, 167 points to be precise) include even small things...and take one baby step one day ( it can be anything...like cleaning your keyboard/ cleaning your room/ a simple I'm sorry text that your ego/ procastination didn't make you do)
Please don't think I'm lecturing you. I'm a bad person with thousands of flaws, I have hurt a lot of people in past/ cheated on people who trusted me completely. If I was saved, anyone can and will be saved. But we need to work on ourselves, action is the magic word here.
If you start working on yourself today, you will see a massive change in a month. Please trust me, it works if you work it.

Only have 2 regrets till now. First being not able to live upto my potential in lots of things I have tried. Still not too old at 33 to get rid of this stigma, but I have had a tendency to start something with a lot of passion and then become lazy or undisciplined and then try and find something new to be excited about. Have repeated this across many sports and then even my studies at important junctures of my life. However, it is more of a stigma than regret as I am quite happy where all this has led me to at this point of my life.
Second is a very latest regret about building this kinda big house (not really big but much bigger than our current needs) instead of holding on to our savings, especially when also starting a new life as a farmer. This one is a real regret ,as now, I feel having, and especially maintaining a big house is very wasteful - both in terms of money and other natural resource. Should have built a nice cottage instead but still it's not too bad of a regret to have. Maybe I am not yet old enough or not faced any big consequences of my actions till now to have much serious regrets.

You are a lucky guy mate. God loves you more.
I didn't have any option in life other than studying my ass off.
Growing up, I had nothing except the basic necessities. Don't even remember dining out or going to a movie with family as a kid.
Titanic was the first movie that we went to watch with our parents ( after clearing the dreaded IIT and JEE, left Kharagpur IIT for a medical school in Kolkata)
My only escape out of that boring monotonous life was studies.

 

[6pack]

Being born is my greatest regret. If I had a choice not to be born, I would've taken it. I hope I'm free of being born again after I die. Life is a big useless waste of time. Everything we do in this life is limited to this life. We are like bacteria in a petri dish. Our lives are confined to the walls of the solution inside the dish. No matter how much we try we will never go out of the dish.

 

[red dragon]

We don't need to leave the Petri dish. However we can mutate into non toxin producing bacteria.
Life is a blessing brother...it's ok to feel shitty at times...that time will pass.

 

[6pack]

No, I don't like the concept of life itself. All the knowledge, emotions, bonds, experiences, etc we gain is gone once we die. It's like booting into a fresh install of an os everytime we start the computer. I'm tired of this infinite circle of doing everything and losing it. It's just meaningless to me. I don't want to be born again if I have a choice in that matter.

 

[red dragon]

But does anyone here or anywhere know what's beyond this life or what it feels like being unborn?
But I am not disagreeing with you. For most part, life does suck. But I try not to live in pleasure or pain... somewhere in between..

 

[mach9]

Man you really ask and have a lot of profound thoughts. Regrets. I probably wouldn't know where to start! Family, loves, career, education.. there are probably too many to get into. I think the biggest one I felt over the recent years was when it came to my Dad after he passed away, I realised how big a presence he was in my life, even though it felt like when he was around I didn't see it.

Other than that there's enough for you and me to sit through a full day of chatting over beers and still have some left!