hellscream666
Adept
CALL CENTRE JOBS: PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUSTBEING ON THE PHONE.
TAKE A LOOK:
1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No.", Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still
getting the same error message.
" Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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3).
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
TechSupport:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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4).
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
TechSupport:: ?!%#$
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5).
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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6)
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
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7).
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prom pt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
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8 )
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."
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9).
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
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10).
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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--
12).Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"
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-
13).
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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---------------------------------------------------------
14).
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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---------------------------------------------------------
15).
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
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16).
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the probl em! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our Customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told h im about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
----- Message from <chandrashekar.sankanur@wipro.com> on Wed, 1 Jun 2005
14:27:49 +0530 -----
-----------------------------------------------------------------
17).
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
-----------------------------------------------------------
18).
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
----------------------------------------------------------
19).
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening..
----------------------------------------------------------
20).
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
-----------------------------------------------------------
21).
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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22).
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
23).
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
-----------------------------------------------------------
24).
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
-----------------------------------------------------------
25).
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around
it?
hellscream666 posted 1.6 minutes later:
Just Got hold of it
TAKE A LOOK:
1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No.", Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still
getting the same error message.
" Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
3).
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
TechSupport:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
4).
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
TechSupport:: ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------------------------
5).
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
6)
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
7).
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prom pt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
8 )
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
9).
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
10).
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
12).Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
13).
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------
14).
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------
15).
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
16).
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the probl em! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our Customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told h im about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
----- Message from <chandrashekar.sankanur@wipro.com> on Wed, 1 Jun 2005
14:27:49 +0530 -----
-----------------------------------------------------------------
17).
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
-----------------------------------------------------------
18).
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
----------------------------------------------------------
19).
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening..
----------------------------------------------------------
20).
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
-----------------------------------------------------------
21).
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
----------------------------------------------------------
22).
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
23).
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
-----------------------------------------------------------
24).
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
-----------------------------------------------------------
25).
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around
it?
hellscream666 posted 1.6 minutes later:
Just Got hold of it
