ok, so i managed to get to talk to the customs superintendent at the Bangalore FPO during the visiting hours of 3-5pm.
penalty - there is no penalty. If somebody imports 100 items without an IEC code they will levy a penatly. Basically a penalty gets imposed if the item count is large, large is this case is > 5 of the same item. Where it cannot conceivably be for personal use but rather for trading purposes. You do not need an IEC if importing items for personal use.
If no insurance is taken on the product they impose a 2.125% handling fee.
If no invoice is present on the package they contact the recipient to provide details about the product. Now if you buy a second hand product, they want to see the paypal/cc statement indicating the transaction. There is no appraising cost at Indian MRP if you paid less and can prove it.
He recommended to use speedpost to keep shipping costs low, takes more time but means less duty. I asked him how safe that was, and he said if it packed properly there should not be any issues. He showed me a stack of receipts of people that had ordered iphones, remote controlled toys, electronic parts etc.
Rs.2k is the limit for no duty. If somebody sends a gift from abroad it can be of value up to rs.10k. Now if it exceeds Rs.10k you don't get to deduct anything. If its Rs.11k. then you pay duty on 11k and not 1k.
Basically what rdst & prateek said matches what i understood to be the norm and what the customs officer subsequently confirmed.
He did say duty imposed depends on who does it, i told him there are rules which are supposed to be followed by everybody, there is no arbitrary charging here. To do this you need to know the rules in the first place. If you're experienced or can speak to those with experience there shouldn't be any nasty surprises to begin with.
He told me they don't dispose off items very quickly, the rules say 10 days but they have kept items for longer as its not always possible for people to get there in time. I suppose this depends on the volume of traffic. For bigger cities they might be stricter as volume is much higher.