Is boarding school a real solution to impart discipline?

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I'll put forward my little story. I was never a fouled child but yet my parents did put me in a boarding school when i was in class 5th( i used to live in a real small city and we didn't had any good schools there). It screwed my studies and you gotta trust me on this. I was always the topper in my class when i was living with my parents but as soon as i was put in the boarding school i completely lost my focus from the studies. I also had quite a few health problems and my 20/20 eyesight had gone for a toss by the time i was in class 8th(There were no TV's in rooms. We just used to get 2 hours in the entire week for the tele).

By the time i was in class 9th i had completely lost it and i barely passed. My parents decided to take me out from the hostel. I got a decent percentage in class 10th and i absolutely rocked in class 12th boards.

But on the other side. I learned quite a few things. Firstly being confident(Big plus). I could have never dreamt about computers if it was not for hostel. And finally i would have never ever played so many different sports. Though apart from studies i lost something really huge. That is the feeling being with the family. I couldn't see any further from my mom,dad and my sis for quite a long time even after leaving the hostel. And i realized it quite late.

But that was a different case. But i have seen that the end result is quite similar. I was sent to an hostel mainly because there weren't any good english medium schools in the city where i earlier used to live in.

Edit: I just read the whole thread and cranky there mentions a lot of good points. But i would really not like to put my kid in a boarding. I am pretty confident that i would be able to teach my kid(Have a 1.5 yr old son) with respect to life. Yes kids learn a loads of things in the boarding but there is always a proper age for everything. Too bad my parents and me myself got to know it the hard way. There were never drugs or alcohol in our days but there were lot of other things to get distracted. And to develop the mind of a kid for not getting distracted you need to be with the kid and not send him away. When he is ready you can leave him in the open world.
 
Guys! Guys!

Generational Gap just aint 2 words!

Bah! ud prolly have to ask (there permission) today's 9 year old kids to go to a boarding school or not !!
 
cranky said:
And comparisons exist, and there are differences.
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Point them out again.

Even if you are, I don't give a rat's unmentionables.
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I think you can say ass in here. Also, you sound cranky. Still, my point stands. Boarding school doesn't guarantee crap that can't be managed by parents, and it takes a lot away from the child. He doesn't get normal childhood but that of "Rules are never meant to be broken". I think ya'll are drones!
 
My mom opted not to work despite being a PhD in electronics because she put her three children's upbringing above her own career.

When I was in my 9th class, she realized I was not going to grow up into an independent adult if I was at home. She put me in a hostel for an year during my 10th class. I opted to go out of state for my undergrad studies and that is one more lesson that I will remember for life.

Now, after nearly 10 years, I can't thank her enough for that REALLY REALLY difficult decision for her (she would have been alone with 2 girls and without my father) that she made. I see many of my friends here in the US for whom it is the first time out of the house and they have a really hard time coping up with the home sickness and living independently which takes a long time to go away). Things you take for granted when you live alone like (relatively) bad food (which is what you come up with when you don't know how to cook ;)) and washing ones own clothes and cleaning the house.

I really think that everyone should stay in a hostel for a year or two if not for improving studies at least for teaching them to live, think and make decisions independently.
 
^^hey excellent post Kumar.
That was the key word. Adaptability.

I count the forumers who have gone to hostel and I think they are fine. So no real reason to doubt anything may go awry. of course, unless those who turned out bad, are too wasted in real life to post. :D

Funny things aside. We all agree that it is not nessesary a bad thing, As long as there is frequent checks on the well being of the child.
 
Point them out again.
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Consider all you said here:

I guess 50% of these parents have children because the condom broke or she forget to take her pills.
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Now some parents love work and money too much to spend time on their kids...and they see Boarding school as a solution.
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boarding school is a solution for those parents who do not have time to spend on the kid
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can he ever be a good parent himself when he has never tasted real parental love and family values?
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and then being ass-wanked with a hunter to bed at 9:00pm.
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Do you even get to surf porn?
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Brilliant one, by the way.

He doesn't get normal childhood but that of "Rules are never meant to be broken".
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I think ya'll are drones!
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Keep your tone polite and refrain from flamebaiting. This is bordering on one. Your statements reek of exactly the problem I've been talking of. There is no point in continuing this conversation - they are among the worst example of opinion. What's good for the goose isn't good for the gander.

There are quite a few reasonable defenses on both sides. First see reason and make sensible arguments. Your view of the world is defined by your experiences. It doesn't mean that it is the only right view.
 
I would to put forward my views here... I am a single kid and my parents where really really strict... I was never an "Apple" to my parents eyes kinda kid...

Though I am spoilt in certain ways.. but i think they inculcated into me responsibility independence and seriousness... My house never had a TV till i was in 6th std and cable tv was in when i finished 12.. Even my parents wanted me to wash my own clothes.. i hv been doing it since my 8th std and clean my room myself every weekend...

Both my parents are working and my mom comes back from office by 5 30 and took care of me...

I realized the effectiveness of their treatment only when I moved out to another city to work... I never felt short of independence or other "live world" skills... thats wat i feel...

i guess parenting is a problem here and not the boarding school...

but does boarding school effectively help in solving behavioural issues??? or does it make worse? arent street smart kids "become" street smart where ever they are.. like kids who "study" study where ever they are.. no matter wat kinda school they go to.. isnt it?

Keane 16 said:
What grade is the fella in?
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Going to 3rd std!
 
Outsourced parenting :bleh:

Its unfair to put someone into a boarding school until he/she has been 'sorted out' by the parents themselves.

You are not breeding universal soldiers so its kinda pointless to drive discipline into them at that age unless they know what they are doing and why they are doing it. In boarding school you are just expected to follow instructions, you have a time table for everything and you have to do it.

Anything below 10th is not the right age. He needs someone to talk to everyday. You cant be there to check up on him all the time, oh well isnt that the reason why you put him there in the first place. Boarding schools just cant give him the personal attention he needs.

I remember my days when I was in 2nd. I had to be put into a hostel due to certain problems. Thankfully it lasted only a year. It wasn't very pleasant. I can probably list out 10s of incidents why I should not have been put into a boarding school at that time, which includes getting thrashed by the dorm monitor. :lol:

Anyway the point is that the kid should be mature enough to take care of himself and also appreciate the freedom he has been offered. If he cant appreciate the whats and whys then you are just doing it for selfish reasons and not for his welfare and teaching him self-dependence.

D-I-Y :@
 
See here's the thing - upbringing is always the parents' responsibility. A spoilt kid is spoilt and a disciplined kid is disciplined, no matter what the method of schooling was. The first school is at home. Some kids are brought up well and some are not. It is not a function of only the school they go to, so the stereotypes are not valid, and the OP is about a stereotype. That is the problem.

You will get logic from both sides as to why each is better (or, a few stupid posts that deride the other side because they have nothing better to say), so the decision is a very personal one. Like always, there are no absolutes. Behaviour issues need to be sorted independent of the school.

The school is one tool for children's development, not a solution to problems. Remember that every child grows up with genetic behaviour, with some influences from school. If, for example, the child is naturally aggressive and suffers at school/home from excessive repression due to the aggression, he will grow into a monster. So obviously closer supervision than available at a boarding school is required for such a child, with the right care and counseling even someone like that can become useful in society. The reverse is also true for naturally shy children, who have adjustment issues in situations away from home. Obviously small changes are required in bringing up kids like this, without stunting their natural behaviour.

These are just examples, I know of people who get their kids checked out for aptitude early in life, then devote themselves to help the child exploit whatever talents they have, without focusing on any minor issues as those tend to auto-correct as the child grows up and moves around in society, for the most part. An astute parent will not need such counseling, and will be able to guage the child's strengths and weaknesses and work on them. Schooling has nothing to do with all of this. In schools, boarding or otherwise, you're treated like all the other kids (or are supposed to be). It is this uniformity which is a child's first experience of routine, order and discipline, as opposed to the somewhat random nature of living at home and just growing up.

Boarding school only removes the parent and places a little more stress on physical development, and puts in you in a large group of your own peers, of similar age but nothing else in common. And you live in this large gang literally 24x7, and it's a total blast! Yes sometimes we had beatings, and this was the 80s so it was not always smooth, but there was never any ill-will, it was only when you did something wrong.

Most of the boarding school/hostel life cliches that you hear of are because of the peers, not the school. The recent Aman Kachroo case is an extreme example of how things can go terribly wrong in a hostel, but the offenders there are all homeschooled till they went to the hostel. What do you blame - the hostel or the homeschooling? The culprits were horrible people, that's about it. They would be criminals equally, regardless of the school they went to.

Get the relationship straightened out first. Generic questions like the one you're asking have no right answer, but

Is boarding school a real solution to impart discipline?
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No.
 
Third grade is way too early IMO. Wait till the 8th or 9th grade, that's when most kids are on the brink of juvenile delinquency. Even then, it's not an absolute necessity - I went to the dark side and came back without a boarding school and no intervention by my parents.
 
Keane 16 said:
Third grade is way too early IMO. Wait till the 8th or 9th grade, that's when most kids are on the brink of juvenile delinquency. Even then, it's not an absolute necessity - I went to the dark side and came back without a boarding school and no intervention by my parents.
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We have a Skywalker amongst us :P
 
I'm glad my parents took time off their lives and spent a good amount of time raising us, instead of getting some servant to look after us, or sending us to boarding school. Sure they might not have grown professionally, or might have become poorer for it, but I'm damn thankful that my folks were there for me when I needed them. I hope I can spend as much time for my kids as my folks have done for me.

From my POV, your friends sound like the type who wants to run away from the problem and wants it to just go away/just by throwing more money at it. Again, my opinion. I'm a software guy too, and I can see it from my POV. there are a lot of things even i try to do/solve buy just throwing money at it, but I dont think raising kids properly is one of them
 
I agree with Sangram. Some of the responses here are really disappointing. It is never our place to judge why someone was enrolled in a boarding school or was a day schooler. I'll just do what Sangram did, and try to comment on what I think are the positive of being a day schooler.

The main positive is that you are with your family. There is no need to explain that. Another positive is that you have support while making major decisions in your life (or at least, what felt like major decisions at that time.) It's always helpful to have someone who is concerned with your welfare, with you, helping you look at different options. You have troubles, your parents are there. (There are friends as well, but what if the trouble is friends themselves). Another positive is you see how your parents lead their lives. Dealing with other adults/relatives, dealing with financial matters, etc.

I left at 17 for college, then started working and haven't lived at home since. Like others in the thread have said, I turned out OK. :P

Now, there are some issues with this as well. For some people, the sudden 'freedom' from parents' rules led them to Alcohol/Drugs giving in to peer pressure. (Not being prudish here. Nothing wrong with Alcohol / experimenting with drugs But doing that to the exclusion of everything else, is plain stupid.)

For others, there was trouble adjusting to life without parents close to them. The first sign of trouble left them a bit dumbfounded. (I would included myself into this category, took some time to adjust)

So there are positives and negatives to this issue. (How surprising :|)

To the OP, I would say, think a little. Would your nephew be better off unsupervised at home (according to you), with parents he would see once in a while? Or would he be better off where he has support with friends he would have and teachers to look after him.

[PS: If for most people the reaction to the post is tl;dr, apologies.]:tongue:
 
Everyone talking abt spoilt and disciplined kids, really, what makes you people so superior that you'l start judging kids?

For gods sake they are kids..Just let them be and enjoy their childhood..With their parents and family and friends, not at some boarding school away from the basic childhood memories and moments that one cherishes with ones parents.

@Sangram- Mate no offense to you, you're a very nice person, but since yu were in a boarding you probably dont know whats its like to be with your parents, secondly i wouldnt know what it is like to be in boarding etither, i can only imagine what things a child would miss..

When i was young my parents would always threaten me if i dont study well i'l be sent to a boarding and all, and whenever the name was mentioned i was saddened deeply..

Maybe your times were different, now a days boardings are considered as a place for "problematic kids"(what ever that means, so even in normal life when he comes around at home in holidays, that stigma will be there..
 
I dont really understand why there's a feeling that only rich , MNC working , uncaring parents send their kids to boarding schools , sometimes they might not have the time to spend with their kids in which case it is better to send them to boarding schools . One of my friends' both parents work as scientists at the DRDO because of which they had little time to spend with him so they sent him to a boarding school . It wasnt as if they had lakhs to spend , they simply didnt have the time , and he turned out just fine

Also about the argument of old and not young kids being sent to boarding schools , IMO it should be exactly opposite , if a child is young , he/she will initially complain but once they become used to it it will be a smooth ride , on the other hand , once a child is an adolescent , he will find it difficult to leave all his friends , his style of living and all and adapt to a totally new style of living and if the child is not an extrovert , that could prove to be quite tough on him
 
@PartyMonger - None taken. I actually have stayed with my folks. We had vacations, and it was something we really looked forward to :D I regret that boarding was used as a threat to you - I'm afraid it's a stereotype like I've been saying from the moment I saw this thread title. There's nothing wrong with boarding school, and there's nothing wrong with day school. Different strokes for different folks, or have we forgotten that? This is not a discussion on motherboards. :D

Jokes apart, it's not as if kids from boarding love their parents less or something like that, in case that's you guys were thinking. The emotion is still there, but yes we had to take a lot of decisions on our own. Now whether that's a good thing or bad, is anybody's guess. In my case I'd say it was a good thing.

And one more thing - in this case, the earlier, the better. Very small kids are not subjected to the physical abuse that happens to older kids (young teenagers), so they quickly become better at taking care of themselves in unfamiliar situations. I have very distinct memories of my first few days at school, 32 years ago. I remember missing my folks, but since I hadn't spent that much time with them to begin with (in my conscious memory), it wasn't till three years later that I felt homesick. Once. And that was it.

I knew my folks would be there for me, and at any time I could chuck all of it and head back home if I wanted, because Dad sat me down and told me that then. See, that is also support. I don't know why you would think that distance pushes people apart. In my experience, distance brings people closer together.

Again, I see the thread gradually become more mature again, thankfully. The responses are more civil. There is no single right answer, but boarding school as a substitute for parents' time and energy is simply unacceptable. Those parents need to find a way to care for their child. Packing one off to boarding school should only be done when the parents are very sure of the risk and reward associated with it, not because they don't have time.

@manu - it's not always about the time. The school I went to was pretty expensive (no names) and one of my batchmates was the son of a small shopkeeper in the trading area of Calcutta. The family lived in a small 12x15 one-roomer, and they were scrounging pennies to pay for his education because they saw that as the only chance for his future. Remember again this was 1983, there were no fancy professions (or student loans) and you could either be an Engineer, Doctor, Lawyer or a clerk. MBA (thankfully) started coming up around the late 80s as a professional stream, so this friend got his Masters and moved abroad, and his parents later moved with him.

Today there are quite a few options for students and parents to choose from. Once you have a child, take the decision by yourself, in consultation with your better half. Don't depend on opinions from people who are not parents themselves, on a forum not related to the subject matter, for somebody else's kid. That's the thing that I don't like about this thread.
 
cranky said:
one of my batchmates was the son of a small shopkeeper in the trading area of Calcutta. The family lived in a small 12x15 one-roomer, and they were scrounging pennies to pay for his education because they saw that as the only chance for his future.
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But how exactly is a boarding school = better future/education than a regular school . Maybe back in those days there weren't enough good schools but now there are good schools practically everywhere in the country . So even if someones parents arent rich , they can get him admitted to a good nearby school , because AFAIK boarding schools are expensive when compared to normal ones
 
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