Is Chivalry Dead?
- Thread starter Gaurish
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Spacescreamer
ex-Mod
1) Indian mindset is to be blamed. A trip in the metro/bus reveals how much certain strata of male actually have the sense.
2) Maybe cuz it has been non existent in few circles, ladies take it with surprise first and then very well might think of it as an act of pleasing. W.e it is, i havent really seen ladies appreciating acts either.
Happens many times.. seems like you had your brush with the experience pretty recently ?
2) Maybe cuz it has been non existent in few circles, ladies take it with surprise first and then very well might think of it as an act of pleasing. W.e it is, i havent really seen ladies appreciating acts either.
Happens many times.. seems like you had your brush with the experience pretty recently ?
sid_donnydarko
Disciple
I don't think so ... Neither do i open doors or pull up chairs for women, but i still end up paying for the meals ... Trust me chivalry ain't dead ... it will never die
Chivalry - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Its a medieval idea and to a great extent male egoistic and such special treatment suits a period when women were treated as objects than as peers. Women of this day don't deserve such treatment. Even the women themselves want to be treated on equal footing, so any display of bias and special treatment is just wrong. If someone wants to argue that its a display of thoughtfulness, then be ready to give similar treatment to your fellow male friends as well. I see this sort of discrimination and bias in the name of chivalry every day and every where and I hope it stops one day. For instance why is a guy traveling by bus expected to give up his seat for a girl than to a sick old man who actually needs it? I for one believe in fair and unbiased treatment that doesn't insult a women's sense of equality nor one's own self respect.
Its a medieval idea and to a great extent male egoistic and such special treatment suits a period when women were treated as objects than as peers. Women of this day don't deserve such treatment. Even the women themselves want to be treated on equal footing, so any display of bias and special treatment is just wrong. If someone wants to argue that its a display of thoughtfulness, then be ready to give similar treatment to your fellow male friends as well. I see this sort of discrimination and bias in the name of chivalry every day and every where and I hope it stops one day. For instance why is a guy traveling by bus expected to give up his seat for a girl than to a sick old man who actually needs it? I for one believe in fair and unbiased treatment that doesn't insult a women's sense of equality nor one's own self respect.
Maximum I do is open doors and let them pass by first in lifts and small corridor areas. But I do the same with male friends/colleagues too. But at times it does help to be slightly decent. Example in a crammed lift if I am next to a female and a guy. On purpose keep "body contact" towards the male gender, so the lady does not feel uncomfortable and/or exploited..! Or if a group is going out for food and we need to fit in a small car, then make it a point to let the lady get the passenger seat opposite the driver.
Footing the bill is different. Is situational and depends on the relationship.
Footing the bill is different. Is situational and depends on the relationship.
madnav
Skilled
being nice to girls puts you in a position to be nicer to them next time.
any act of being nice is understood as a standard and your further behaviour is judged on that frame.
do yourself a favour of not getting used by them.
If it is an elderly person and if it is out of respect then it really doesnt matter if it is a woman or a man.
any act of being nice is understood as a standard and your further behaviour is judged on that frame.
do yourself a favour of not getting used by them.
If it is an elderly person and if it is out of respect then it really doesnt matter if it is a woman or a man.
Those who wanted to know reason of the thread -- I often face situations:-
1) Option 1opening doors, paying for meals, etc. at risk of being looked as "that guy trying to impress"
2) Option 2Treat them par as my male friends: they open the doors themselves, I just open mine & walk away. here risk if of being termed "rude" or indifferent
So, I wonder what would be the decent thing to do. I always end up acting differently as not all women are same. Hence want to know opinion of others
Cheers:hap2:
1) Option 1opening doors, paying for meals, etc. at risk of being looked as "that guy trying to impress"
2) Option 2Treat them par as my male friends: they open the doors themselves, I just open mine & walk away. here risk if of being termed "rude" or indifferent
So, I wonder what would be the decent thing to do. I always end up acting differently as not all women are same. Hence want to know opinion of others
Cheers:hap2:
^^
Opening doors and letting people pass first is just being courteous and decent. Woman will not see it as a sign of you trying to impress and acting false-macho. Paying bills, as I mentioned is about the relationship you share with the person. If your GF/wife then probably yes. But not always.
Since your accounts are same anyways...! Does it really matter who pays. With acquaintances and colleagues you can politely ask to go dutch. But of course it is a no brainer if you go out for a cup of chai or Barista. Anyone can pay, and next time round the next person pays. Most ladies remember this rule and go by it. General rule I follow for off-hand people I know. If "they" ask to go out for something, they pay. If I request someone, I pay. Even steven..!
Opening doors and letting people pass first is just being courteous and decent. Woman will not see it as a sign of you trying to impress and acting false-macho. Paying bills, as I mentioned is about the relationship you share with the person. If your GF/wife then probably yes. But not always.
Since your accounts are same anyways...! Does it really matter who pays. With acquaintances and colleagues you can politely ask to go dutch. But of course it is a no brainer if you go out for a cup of chai or Barista. Anyone can pay, and next time round the next person pays. Most ladies remember this rule and go by it. General rule I follow for off-hand people I know. If "they" ask to go out for something, they pay. If I request someone, I pay. Even steven..!
^ second that . The opening doors etc are acts of respect which need not be confined to only women .
The bill pay thing depend varies as per the relationship as well as what rule the other person follow . With most of my female friends its either going dutch or if someone's feeling lucky that day ends up paying for the bill .Similarly next time someone else pays and so on .Its only with the typical kanjus types or the one's who strictly believe that the guy has to pay every time you end up paying . Naturally I stay away from such people :rofl: .
I personally wouldn't believe in spending every time even for a special girl, unless its my own money and not my parents and most sensible girls understand that. Ofcourse the same might not apply for earning men .
The bill pay thing depend varies as per the relationship as well as what rule the other person follow . With most of my female friends its either going dutch or if someone's feeling lucky that day ends up paying for the bill .Similarly next time someone else pays and so on .Its only with the typical kanjus types or the one's who strictly believe that the guy has to pay every time you end up paying
. Naturally I stay away from such people :rofl: . I personally wouldn't believe in spending every time even for a special girl, unless its my own money and not my parents and most sensible girls understand that. Ofcourse the same might not apply for earning men .
Gaurish said:
I dont think, they would want you to open the doors and all. I think they are fine opening the doors themselves. It should not be that complicated.
About paying bills, it depends who is calling for the meal. If I call my friend for a meal, then i pay. If its mutual,then we end up splitting.
Sometimes, when we take a cab or Ric, it so happens that the other person pays. But then its expected that I pay the next time.
Also, the important idea here is dont think of them as aliens from venus. Do not over analyze. The important idea here is think of them as your male buddies, unless they are your GF or wife.I am pretty sure you dont have such issues with your mail buddies.
But saying this there are some situations where they expect special treatment, which is understandable. Like for example, its a packed car and you have only 1 girl. I would definitely offer her the seat next to the driver. So think according to the situation.
I usually pay the bill for a woman as a percentage of her hotness+personality rating.
If I rate her 8/10 on that scale then I pay 80% of the bill. If it is 4/10 then I pay 40% and act like I have only that much money.
And that "Opening doors for others" thing shows that you have basic etiquettes. You dont want the door hitting you just because the moron in front of you couldnt hold it a bit longer even after knowing that there was someone behind him coming through the same door. Its just basic manners really. I do it all the time. Being a little considerate about others is a good thing.
If I rate her 8/10 on that scale then I pay 80% of the bill. If it is 4/10 then I pay 40% and act like I have only that much money
.And that "Opening doors for others" thing shows that you have basic etiquettes. You dont want the door hitting you just because the moron in front of you couldnt hold it a bit longer even after knowing that there was someone behind him coming through the same door. Its just basic manners really. I do it all the time. Being a little considerate about others is a good thing
.dennis_nail
Adept
^^ I do it the same way as @Darthcoder in case of keeping the door open for person behind me. In general, I would really like to treat women equally, and I suppose independent women do like that as well.