Spare the rod, spoil the child

A

abhi1984

Disciple
So basically there have been two different cases of child being beaten over the past couple of days:
http://www.hindustantimes.com/india...three-yr-old-in-kolkata/article1-1243688.aspx

https://www.techenclave.com/communi...allegedly-their-teacher-to-spare-them.167343/

A colleague of mine snuck up on me when I was reading the article and we got into a conversation about it. Then he told me his parent's philosophy had been "Spare the rod, spoil the child" ie he used to get beaten a lot (maybe not to the merciless degree as the above). He told me his mom even gave some scratches to some of his sisters too. When I expressed shock and empathy for him, he took none. He dint feel any remorse and still loved his parents.
So wondering what people in TE, specially the parents think about this stuff?
 
I parents used to beat the shit out of me and my brothers. I felt bad and killing them then.

Now, looking back. A bit discipline is a very good thing. Even with all the beating all 3 of us were a nuisance lot. :D :D :D :D. To public To Teacher and to other parents with girls. :D :D

Ahh... Good Times.

But No. I dont support this no beating policy. Beat the shit out of them little monsters. Last time I was home, I happened to wait for my dad to pick me up. I was standing in front of the local KFC and there was a evening school rush. Boys. The things they were discussing and the languages. :mad: :mad: :mad:. EVEN I DIDN'T SPEAK THAT AT THAT AGE.
 
If you are in USA, don't even think about hitting you child. He will complain to authorities and you will be screwed.
In India, it is opposite. We think child won't be disciplined unless beaten to certain extent. This is true is lot of cases as well.
Btw I also think that one needs to be stern with child to inculcate better discipline.
 
Stockholm Syndrome.. Hehehehehe.

The reason why I preferred it was the flip side. I have 2 incidents in my life, if fear of cane was not their I would have gone ahead with both.

And the second one would lead me to be jailed or perhaps in juvenile court. Stockholm syndrome or Kerala syndrome. I am glad I was fearful of my parents disciplinary tactics.
Caning was just one in their arsenal. :D :D :D
 
abhi1984 said:
He told me his mom even gave some scratches to some of his sisters too. When I expressed shock and empathy for him, he took none. He dint feel any remorse and still loved his parents.
So wondering what people in TE, specially the parents think about this stuff?
Click to expand...

I am sure you can get in touch with some psychology expert/child expert and narrate the incident of your friend, that expert will be able to tell you about some traits which your friend carries till date.

Such people have been beaten into submission, and such mental fissures wont come out in the open till the time pressing situations/hard times beckon.
Carrying convos about such people is futile. Heck, even you can start observing him by asking some well thought out questions and seeking his response on certain critical situations.

India has had a long history of disciplining the children, where people have gone overboard.
Children who have seen the culture of being beaten up at the drop of the hat, they take the treatment as an acceptable way of life and behave similarly with their friends, or worse, with their own kids.

With the advent of globalization, where we see meek ways of trying to discipline a child of 1st world countries (which i personally havent found 100%effective, add to it the culture factor as well), we need to dig deep into our ways, and much like everything else, we need to come up with a system to encourage wholesome upbringing after taking the pro and cons of different cultures/places/people and most importantly, need to keep self evaluating ourselves vis a vis child upbringing, because the risk of committing a life affecting blunder are very high.
 
m-jeri said:
I parents used to beat the shit out of me and my brothers. I felt bad and killing them then.

Now, looking back. A bit discipline is a very good thing. Even with all the beating all 3 of us were a nuisance lot. :D :D :D :D. To public To Teacher and to other parents with girls. :D :D

Ahh... Good Times.

But No. I dont support this no beating policy. Beat the shit out of them little monsters. Last time I was home, I happened to wait for my dad to pick me up. I was standing in front of the local KFC and there was a evening school rush. Boys. The things they were discussing and the languages. :mad: :mad: :mad:. EVEN I DIDN'T SPEAK THAT AT THAT AGE.
Click to expand...
You know, it goes back to the nostalgia factor. Even when you were young, your parents would have been stupefied with your language choices. Thats a fact.

That said, I also got beaten a lot. Parents as well as cousins. That has lead to some psychological issues like introvert and stammering - there has never been end to those.

Though I disagree to the tactic completely. One of the biggest mistakes in my life happened because I was afraid of the cane. When my parents realise this, they did start going easy on me.
 
Hmm. I guess it depends upon the people. Me and both my elder brothers were popular among the crowd. Good and Bad ways. All of us were part of groups of kids who wrecked havoc. heheehe. Some were studious. Some were not. As expected. My second brother the most smartest with best grades and me the normal kind and the eldest brother the average one.

There was nothing introvert about any of us. Always issues with authority. heheehehe.
 
Its stupid to beat a child, I wish we had some law in India to discourage this. My parents always explained me things and never took the physical route to instill discipline.
 
I believe one needs to be strict with children. It is very easy to resort to slapping (or even hitting, or worse). But from early on, concepts like 'time-out' and 'grounding' have a great effect.

The idea is for children to give importance to parent's words (rules, traditions, etc.) and that needs to be inculcated from a very early age.

Edit : I am against hitting and physical abuse of any sort. Personally, the only 'acceptable' seems a cheek slap (I may be wrong). And even that too should be a last resort (to show to the child that you are so upset you are taking that measure).
 
I am a 23 year old guy,
my parents are very strict and as such I try to obey them, but also more often than not I raise my voice for what I think is right.
Have my parents disciplined or punished me when I was a child? yes, in many instances.

Was I beaten?
Yes but no more than 3 times in the last 23 years. Just minor slaps and shouting and slaps on palm. Never overboard.
Even when they did , physically I only felt pain, but mentally I knew they were hurting themselves tenfold when the scale struck my palm.
Was I abused?
No!
Was I scolded and made aware of the effects of my actions in a logical manner to suit my understanding so that I never repeated them?
Yes! no less than at least 20 times a year! :D
When they scold me, do I hold a grudge?
Well yes, obviously! but I do realise my mistakes more often, and if even after a day I think I am right, we have a good discussion peppered with some outbursts.

And I think I turned out quite alright.

People need to realise that discipline is necessary , but abuse in the name of discipline is a line that should not be crossed.
Only a parent has the right to beat a child, as they'd know the limits.
A teacher or any 3rd person has only the right to scold a child and then make a complaint to the parents.


In the Kolkata case there was extreme callousness in the Parents part.
why would they "Authorise" a 3 day old teacher to beat there little son in the name of discipline behind closed doors?
and now they are raising a hue when it went overboard?
The teacher is unfit but so are the parents!
 
I don't subscribe to the view that beating or physical punishment is necessarily required for disciple. Negative reinforcement can go a long way. Occasional physical punishment is warranted, but nothing too severe so as to scar the child for life, or even temporarily disturb them. Physical punishment can have life-long phschological ramifications.

Understanding the psyche of the child is key. A lot can be done to direct a child's behavior without raising a hand. This might seem like a harsh comparison, but at a very basic level it is like training a dog. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinforcement

Of-course it is not in black and white, but a lot more nuanced.
 
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Meh. I used to be beaten with cane(s) during my initial school years, primarily for not studying. Lol.
Looking back, I think it was a good thing. Got a time table set for studying, playing etc. And for the love of God, it's not "abusing". Stop acting like stupid Americans who are too sissy to give a whack to their old wulderloo. As they say "latoo ke bhoot batoon se nahin maante"
P.S: I ain't promoting beating the shit of children. Just some light ones to get them back in order. Also can we stop treating kids as adults, reasoning about each and every thing ? You can't expect a child to understand the world at the age of 5-10. Heck, I bet none of us could understand shit at that age. Only thing in my mind was playing and possibly the wonderfully weird sensation on touching my penis.
Sometimes a good whack teaches more than a day long discussion.
P.P.S: And no, it's not Stockholm Syndrome. Just because such a thing exists does not mean everybody has it.
 
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