Complaint against abusive husband
- Thread starter toocool6600
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AMG
Herald
I wouldn't say they are insane but rather looking out for their welfare. I assume my statement of the boy being the only son is correct? So they don't want to be the ones filing the complaint because of their fear. If boy does goes to jail or has some repercussions, no one will be there to take care of them. If it passes without anything happening to the boy, he will try and leave them. Or it might turn into an even worse abuse for them. Thats the reason they want an outsider to file the complaint.
Cause if it becomes a serious matter, they can say you as an outsider have given a false complain and you will be screwed. If it doesn't but police does instill some fear in the guy, their job is done while claiming innocence. This plan obviously is flawed and doesn't take into account - what to do if the guy is emboldened rather than being afraid?
While I applaud your efforts of trying to help as a good person, you are being awfully naive. Ever heard of the saying "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" ? This applies here too. Your best bet to help is to encourage them to take the stand. If they can't, ask yourself do they really deserve your help?
Phenomenal
Explorer
This is a very interesting scenario right here.
The OP @toocool6600 either :
a)really wants to help because the issue bothers him and affects him at a deep level (may be you OP and this is quite rare - people who truly care)
b)just wants to troll,be a white knight (not saying it's you OP but stuff like this is more common,isn't it
)
In case of case A,OP will find out a way to help even if a 100 more folks from the forum advise against it.
My basic suggestion is quite similar.
If it really bothers you,you will get involved and no one can stop you.
And since you will get into this,I suggest you get backup or protection.
It appears as if the family wants their guy to change but they want to pull the trigger off your shoulder which sucks.Hmmmm...be very aware & cautious about this...since I can understand that you want to help.
I suggest you find a way to contact :
a)Police
b)NCW
c)Local MLA,MP,Women's team
d)Any one else whom you think can help - like their neighbours,other witness,relatives.
And then (the most important step) :
Ask the family members to file the case,ask them to get a witness (their neighbour or other friends & NOT you) and help them through the process.
Make it like a social intervention - use the concept of distributed responsibility (from Distributed Computing) so in case there's failure,there won't be a single point of failure in the worst case (YOU,as many folks here suggest)
This way you :
a)Will help them (which is what you truly want i hope)
b)Insulate & Protect yourself first and more importantly your family whom you love the most while helping the rest of the world.
Wish you all the very best and do let us know how you handled it and how it all works out
The OP @toocool6600 either :
a)really wants to help because the issue bothers him and affects him at a deep level (may be you OP and this is quite rare - people who truly care)
b)just wants to troll,be a white knight (not saying it's you OP but stuff like this is more common,isn't it
)In case of case A,OP will find out a way to help even if a 100 more folks from the forum advise against it.
My basic suggestion is quite similar.
If it really bothers you,you will get involved and no one can stop you.
And since you will get into this,I suggest you get backup or protection.
It appears as if the family wants their guy to change but they want to pull the trigger off your shoulder which sucks.Hmmmm...be very aware & cautious about this...since I can understand that you want to help.
I suggest you find a way to contact :
a)Police
b)NCW
c)Local MLA,MP,Women's team
d)Any one else whom you think can help - like their neighbours,other witness,relatives.
And then (the most important step) :
Ask the family members to file the case,ask them to get a witness (their neighbour or other friends & NOT you) and help them through the process.
Make it like a social intervention - use the concept of distributed responsibility (from Distributed Computing) so in case there's failure,there won't be a single point of failure in the worst case (YOU,as many folks here suggest)
This way you :
a)Will help them (which is what you truly want i hope)
b)Insulate & Protect yourself first and more importantly your family whom you love the most while helping the rest of the world.
Wish you all the very best and do let us know how you handled it and how it all works out
kidrow
Herald
As a random dude on the internet who doesn't know the OP or the said person, this nugget seems to suggest that he at least realizes there is a problem. So probably the best way forward is to convince him to seek professional help. Convince him/them to meet a marriage counselor/therapist.
Even if he doesn't, ask the others to seek professional help. Who knows?! The therapist might be able to give an insight that helps explain their interpersonal relations. At the very least, you'll know about how serious the family is about coming to an amicable solution.
The very motivation of "teaching someone a lesson" is wrong, imo. It can lead to undesired & unanticipated consequences.
Also, it seems strange that the folks wanting to "teach him a lesson" are not doing it themselves. Rather, they are asking you to do the dirty deed, while being in this fellow's good books. If they really want to "teach him a lesson", they should grow a spine.
Others have already stated enough times that this is a risky proposition for you. So no point in me repeating the same. Even if your motivations are well-intentioned, there's no saying what the ramifications will be. There are legal issues involved as well.
This isn't a case of a person who is suffering abuse but is prepared to complain to the proper authorities, & is asking you for extra support. The parties affected do not want to get involved. So why should you?
toocool6600
Forerunner
chiron
Innovator
There was a family in our neighbourhood where the husband was physically abusive to both wife and son. At a point he even flung the kid down from a retaining wall. When the yelling and screaming became a daily routine someone called the police and when they came and picked up the guy guess who was crying, runnning behind the police car pleading screaming abuse at the neighbours?
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