Some Truths about Hollywood Movies!
1) All cars, doors, and couches are bullet proof.
2) When facing off with an opponent one should intently stare them for hours before laying down the whoop ass.
3) All characters with Russian accents speak in broken English.
6) A long monologue earns you serious badass points.
7) In most cases at least one black man must be killed.
8) Having to reload your gun is a very rare occurrence.
9) Everyone has martial arts training.
10) All cars make a "burn out" sound no matter what surface their on and how fast they take off.
11) If you don't have a monologue you are expendable.
12) Everyone is equipped with an invisible set of gills for underwater usage.
13) Nobody pees, unless it is a vital plot point.
14) After sex, reapplying of make up or redoing of hair is never necessary.
15) You wake up with your make up and hair ready to go.
16) All game geeks are certified expert hackers.
17) 90 keystrokes is needed to type a 5-letter password.
18) When crying, worrying about blood shot eyes and puffiness of the face is never a problem.
19) When in a situation with a masked killer splitting away from the group should always be a priority.
20) Shooting, stabbing, or blowing up the bad guy will almost never kill him the first time.
21) All children are psychic and frequently get moved into in haunted houses.
22) If you're white you're automatically curious about the noise you heard in the creepy house, dark ally, or middle of nowhere woods.
23) In space...nobody can hear you scream - but shit can explode.
24) One can jump through windows and sustain little to no damage.
25) The more explosions and fighting the less storyline you need.
26) During a police chase every officer within 3 states will show up, but worry not, you'll out drive them, crashing and/or exploding them all.
27) Bio-chemicals are always glowy-neon colors and transported around in shiny metal briefcases.
28) Random foreigners are excellent for comic relief.
29) Asian bad guys always step in last during kung-fu style fight scenes.
30) Action movie heroes use God Mode hax.
31) In fights, the bad guys come only in ones or twos at the same time even though there's twenty billion of them present.
32) Villains and heroes alike can monlogue for upwards of ten minutes without anyone just beating them up and getting it over with. -
33) The comic relief character, if present, will invariably be killed first to promote a sense of insecurity. -
34) Characters that are part of the main group but not actually given names are killed off very quickly. -
35) In action movies it can take more than ten minutes to display a dramatic scene, when in reality the scene should have only last 5 seconds.
36) If an "ugly" person is to be given some sort of astounding makeover or suddenly become popular, then they were never really ugly to begin with. -
37) A "nerd" has either glasses, zits, a very bad hairdo or all three at once. - ~Ewig
38) Heros never use condoms.
39) If a hot girl is being chased by a serial killer, she will undoubtedly fall down.
40) Cars that try to drive over impossibly-huge spaces to the otherside at least get three different angle shots, while it takes its sweet time to reach said other side.
41) U-shaped bridges made of wooden planks will collapse once you've gotten halfway across them.
Notes:
( Matches up with the number in the above list )
7) Oh shut up. You know it's true.
11) Only important people get monologues you MAGGOT.
19) Stupid kids are always like, " OH **** A KILLER...IM TOTALLY GUNNA GO OVER HERE BY MYSELF"
29) It's always like, "FINAL BOSS - ASIAN GUARD"
30) Getting attacked by like 30 guys at one time and taking no damage. GOD MODE.
1) All cars, doors, and couches are bullet proof.
2) When facing off with an opponent one should intently stare them for hours before laying down the whoop ass.
3) All characters with Russian accents speak in broken English.
6) A long monologue earns you serious badass points.
7) In most cases at least one black man must be killed.
8) Having to reload your gun is a very rare occurrence.
9) Everyone has martial arts training.
10) All cars make a "burn out" sound no matter what surface their on and how fast they take off.
11) If you don't have a monologue you are expendable.
12) Everyone is equipped with an invisible set of gills for underwater usage.
13) Nobody pees, unless it is a vital plot point.
14) After sex, reapplying of make up or redoing of hair is never necessary.
15) You wake up with your make up and hair ready to go.
16) All game geeks are certified expert hackers.
17) 90 keystrokes is needed to type a 5-letter password.
18) When crying, worrying about blood shot eyes and puffiness of the face is never a problem.
19) When in a situation with a masked killer splitting away from the group should always be a priority.
20) Shooting, stabbing, or blowing up the bad guy will almost never kill him the first time.
21) All children are psychic and frequently get moved into in haunted houses.
22) If you're white you're automatically curious about the noise you heard in the creepy house, dark ally, or middle of nowhere woods.
23) In space...nobody can hear you scream - but shit can explode.
24) One can jump through windows and sustain little to no damage.
25) The more explosions and fighting the less storyline you need.
26) During a police chase every officer within 3 states will show up, but worry not, you'll out drive them, crashing and/or exploding them all.
27) Bio-chemicals are always glowy-neon colors and transported around in shiny metal briefcases.
28) Random foreigners are excellent for comic relief.
29) Asian bad guys always step in last during kung-fu style fight scenes.
30) Action movie heroes use God Mode hax.
31) In fights, the bad guys come only in ones or twos at the same time even though there's twenty billion of them present.
32) Villains and heroes alike can monlogue for upwards of ten minutes without anyone just beating them up and getting it over with. -
33) The comic relief character, if present, will invariably be killed first to promote a sense of insecurity. -
34) Characters that are part of the main group but not actually given names are killed off very quickly. -
35) In action movies it can take more than ten minutes to display a dramatic scene, when in reality the scene should have only last 5 seconds.
36) If an "ugly" person is to be given some sort of astounding makeover or suddenly become popular, then they were never really ugly to begin with. -
37) A "nerd" has either glasses, zits, a very bad hairdo or all three at once. - ~Ewig
38) Heros never use condoms.
39) If a hot girl is being chased by a serial killer, she will undoubtedly fall down.
40) Cars that try to drive over impossibly-huge spaces to the otherside at least get three different angle shots, while it takes its sweet time to reach said other side.
41) U-shaped bridges made of wooden planks will collapse once you've gotten halfway across them.
Notes:
( Matches up with the number in the above list )
7) Oh shut up. You know it's true.
11) Only important people get monologues you MAGGOT.
19) Stupid kids are always like, " OH **** A KILLER...IM TOTALLY GUNNA GO OVER HERE BY MYSELF"
29) It's always like, "FINAL BOSS - ASIAN GUARD"
30) Getting attacked by like 30 guys at one time and taking no damage. GOD MODE.