The Other Side Of the Coin : Guy tries to chat up girl, ends up in jail!

I think some people are mixing up several things and drawing conclusions.

Was the girl justified in alerting the security guards and the police?

Yes, it is fully justified for her to have reacted in that manner. She felt that she is being stalked/harassed or going to be stalked/harassed and reacted immediately to protect herself. Nothing wrong in that. There is no saying what kind of guy he is and how he might have reacted if she had neglected the incident. Every 20 min, there is a rape happening in the country and many of those start of in just as seemingly harmless a manner as trying to woo a girl to go out with him or marry. There is no way to judge her as over reacting. There is no point in waiting for the worst possible situation to materialize before alerting. She didn't cook up false stories. She only told them what actually happened.

Did the guy deserve such a reaction from the girl?
Yes, he did. People should not act however way they please without understanding the place, situation, circumstances. His approach of asking her out is pretty common trait of many a stalker, eve teaser and potential rapist. If he knew the psyche of the country, he would have known that his approach could be very easily mis-understood. Be it ignorance or disregard, his approach was one that could definitely have prompted a reaction of this nature and not just from this particular girl.

Did the guy deserve man-handling and threats from the girls husband, father.

Of course, he did not. while the girls reaction was well justified, the husbands and fathers reactions were beyond legal bounds. Unfortunately, the laws are so poor in our country that anybody can take the law into their hands without fear of punishment and that is what happened here.

Did the guy deserve action from the police?

First of all, It is a miracle that the police promptly acted on the compliant. There have been several instances where where women were constantly harassed even molested/raped and still police refuse to take a compliant. Once the police acted on it, they were fully justified in taking him to police station for questioning. If the police have done anything beyond the legal limits after that, the police is to be blamed. The girl is no way responsible for the consequences that the guy ended up with. As far as she is considered, she did the right thing by taking preemptive action.
 
Lord Nemesis

That's where the problem lies, don't you see. The police didn't uphold the law, they acted against it as they "felt" it was wrong. Just because someone goes with a complaint doesn't make the accused guilty. They guy could've been in serious trouble had the case not been taken back. Why was no complaint booked against the husband for assault and the father who threatened of murdering him? Where this not crimes too? Were these crimes far smaller than asking a woman out?

This is the same behaviour we see when a girl gets raped. They blame it on them for going out or wearing inappropriate dresses or any other BS, because that is what they "feel" is right.

If this is the preemptive measure woman start taking for such behaviors, I assure you, when a girl gets really harassed and goes to the police, they would just brush it aside citing many such previous complaints which held no merit.

The woman doctor here did not act appropriately after the said incident. It was blown out of proportion, maybe by her, or her colleagues, or both, ending up in a chain where the man ended up being seen as a preemptive rapist. In the end, she is the one who ended up harassing the man.

She didn't cook up false stories. She only told them what actually happened.
Click to expand...

According to the guy, she did cook up false stories. She told them that he molested her and kept on harassing. Now again, I'm taking the guys word for whatever it's worth, as it is purely hypothetical for us. We must discuss based on that merit, rather than whether the guy is telling the truth or not. The entire story might be false just to start a debate or grab attention.
 
blkrb0t said:
Lord Nemesis
This is the same behaviour we see when a girl gets raped. They blame it on them for going out or wearing inappropriate dresses or any other BS, because that is what they "feel" is right.
Click to expand...

Yep .. this whole he/she was "asking for it" .. cuts both ways..

Empowering one gender doesn't mean tormenting another ..


in related new Rajya Sabha has passed the "Sexual Harassment againt Women at Workplace" bill ..
As per the Act, sexual harassment includes any one or more of unwelcome acts or behaviour such as physical contact and advances, a demand or request for sexual favours or making sexually coloured remarks or showing pornography.
The acts or behaviour whether directly, or by implication, include any other unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal conduct of sexual nature.
Non-compliance with the provisions of the Act shall be punishable with a fine of up to Rs. 50,000.
It has also provisions for safeguard against false or malicious charges.
The Bill makes it mandatory that all offices, hospitals, institutions and other workplaces should have an internal redressal mechanism for complaints related to sexual harassment.

The highlighted portion was a point of controversy with many feminist groups suggesting it be removed but thankfully Justice Vermas recommendations were considered. There is always a better and civil way to handle these situations .. ensuring justice to both parties. We should hone our sensibilities to inculcate this behavior. Many of these provision were already inplace in the pvt. sector since many years .. now its become a law which must be followed everywhere.
 
blkrb0t said:
That's where the problem lies, don't you see. The police didn't uphold the law, they acted against it as they "felt" it was wrong. Just because someone goes with a complaint doesn't make the accused guilty. They guy could've been in serious trouble had the case not been taken back. Why was no complaint booked against the husband for assault and the father who threatened of murdering him? Where this not crimes too? Were these crimes far smaller than asking a woman out?
Click to expand...

So why blame the girl for making a complaint when actually as you said, its the police who who might have done more than what was needed? I definitely agree that the police should have booked the husband and the father considering the physical assault and death threat, but you cannot really blame the girl reacting the way she did.

blkrb0t said:
If this is the preemptive measure woman start taking for such behaviors, I assure you, when a girl gets really harassed and goes to the police, they would just brush it aside citing many such previous complaints which held no merit.
Click to expand...

So what do you want the girl to do? Go to the police only after she has been raped and has enough proof to prove the same. Preemptive action is much needed. It is ignoring/tolerating potential signs of stalking and harassment that women quite often become victims of more serious crimes. We are in a country where even the police cannot be trusted leave alone other men.

The police have a hell lot of deliberately filed false rape/harassment cases on their hands. To some extent it is true that bogus cases are a part of the reason for police indifference, but at the same time, it is ridiculous to say that women should stop filing cases till they become a victim. Police and law to not exist just to punish a criminal after a crime has been committed, the goal is to prevent crime altogether. Even the punishments exists to set an example to others. If a women has to wait till she becomes a victim of serious harassment, then the purpose is already defeated.

blkrb0t said:
The woman doctor here did not act appropriately after the said incident. It was blown out of proportion, maybe by her, or her colleagues, or both, ending up in a chain where the man ended up being seen as a preemptive rapist. In the end, she is the one who ended up harassing the man.
Click to expand...

I think she acted very appropriately. A married doctor who is on duty is approached by a complete stranger who in a very bold manner suggests that she go out with him and have fun. A sort of line used by many a eve teaser, molester, womanizer and potential rapist in our country. She refuses, but she doesn't know how long he has been stalking her or what his intentions are. She knows very well the men in our country are completely out of control and don't take kindly to refusals. She knows very well from the news papers that such refusals have led to harassment and violence of many types including rape, mutilation, torture and murder. Seeing how bold he is, she might have even thought that he might be someone with political or mafia connections who is going to make life miserable for her. Can you imagine the mental torture she must have gone through over this incident? Seeing her situation, do you expect her to wait patiently till something bad happens to her before taking action?
 
Lord Nemesis What about the false accusations she made?

Complaining that "a guy asked me out" to "a guy molested me" makes a hell lot of difference. She didn't take preemptive measure, she just abused the law.

The police complaint against that the guy mentioned that "he molested her", and not "he approached me and asked me out to have 'fun'".
 
Wow. Just read the original story roughly (skipped quite a bit though). I agree with some aspects of what @blkrb0t has said and some aspects of what @Lord Nemesis has said.

One thing is, a lot of Indian police personnel are a bunch of dehati gawaars (especially the lower ranked/relatively uneducated ones). Doesn't matter if some of them are educated. You can be very educated and still be gawaar. The culture/ideas you grow around in your formative years affects you too.

Coming from a medical family, I've met many doctors and surgeons (I'm just taking them as an example because these people are highly educated), who are mostly from villages or very conservative families, who despite years of education still hold the view that women who wear 'revealing clothes' (in their opinion) are sluts, that women who drink are especially bad (they view them as worse than men who drink), that people who converse in English are 'hi-fi' etc. Of course, it's not just doctors obviously. Just trying to make the point that technical education doesn't always result in a being who is intellectually advanced in every aspect.

All that being said, the way in which he approached her might have been a little intimidating (given the present scenario in this country). Honestly, the guy's luck was horrible. That's one thing I can say with certainty.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Having read the story, and NOT having read the thread (5 pages long ! :O), I don't see anything wrong in asking a person out if you seem to like him/her. At the max the person will say no, and both the parties can walk away peacefully. What happened was gross over-reaction !
 
alekhkhanna said:
Having read the story, and NOT having read the thread (5 pages long ! :O), I don't see anything wrong in asking a person out if you seem to like him/her. At the max the person will say no, and both the parties can walk away peacefully. What happened was gross over-reaction !
Click to expand...

I understand why she might have done that as Lord Nemesis has said. But then again, she was misusing the law and put wrong charges on the guy. A FIR stating that "you molested a woman" to one stating "you went up to a woman and asked her out and to have fun" makes a hell lot of a difference.

And the weird thing is woman are always seen as the victims in our country, so even if the guy is innocent or not, he's guilty in the eyes of everyone. Just imagine what some woman pissed with you can do to you with this power. I have seen even wives doing this to their husbands with the dowry charges.
 
This seems to be a one off case. In a country where sexual harassment can be called eve-teasing (to make it sound like less of a crime), the police actually taking up a complaint and working on it, through and through is quite surprising. There seems to be a lot of missing info too.
 
Sarath_ said:
In a country where sexual harassment can be called eve-teasing (to make it sound like less of a crime).
Click to expand...

The police don't do it just to make it sound less of a crime, usually a lot of money and some calls from upper authorities is involved. The police will take a real case away or even book a fake one, but only if you have the right price and connections. Only a few Police officers are sensible enough to look through it.
 
Totally disproportionate punishment..but given the "mood of the nation" at the time..it is understandable not justifiable..On the streets..fun can have many meanings...Choice of words were wrong..The guy should have been slightly careful with the approach..Better be safe than sorry in such situations..Was it the risk worth taking?..supposedly not looking at the repercussions.. .

PS...Totally sick and tired of the abala naari and rape related topics..I totally stopped watching news channels for those 2-3 weeks after the Delhi incident....If not for Ind/Pak skirmish at the borders..that over reaction could have continued for months...
 
Mr.J said:
I already was. Thanks for fueling my paranoia. :depressed:
Click to expand...

That post was by a female, so there's still hope. I'm sure not all are such, just like not all males are sexists.

But for those whose social skills are already poor, why would he take such a risk? Even if you like a girl and just look at her, it might be considered as being a potential rapist or a creep. I depends though - if the girl finds you good looking, she'll might call you a secret admirer.
 
blkrb0t said:
That post was by a female, so there's still hope. I'm sure not all are such, just like not all males are sexists.

But for those whose social skills are already poor, why would he take such a risk? Even if you like a girl and just look at her, it might be considered as being a potential rapist or a creep. I depends though - if the girl finds you good looking, she'll might call you a secret admirer.
Click to expand...

Yeah, good looking guys flirt, others stalk.

She tweeted 'not cool'. Why didn't she just turned around and said it to those two people? And nobody was talking to her. Two adults talking among themselves and she overheard.
And nice job creating Internet Sh!t storm. Epic fail for a person who works as PR.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/donglegate-adria-richards
 
@Mr.J It's not the first time she's done that though. She uses race and her sex as a means to gain followers on twitter and Youtube, where she has a partner channel.

Females are oppressed more than males are, that's a truth. But some people are using that as a bait to turn the situation around, creating a kind of anti-male hysteria. This is actually creating more divide between males and females, both in general and in workspace environments.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Back
Top