Reading how some people defend their seniors, I too was thinking about this Stockholm Syndrome.
Anyway, from what I have read, a few days of ragging or hazing or whatever one may want to call it doesn't change ones personality. No matter how hard we try, our brain is not structured in that manner. As far as my knowledge goes, it probably takes months and years for an introvert to become an extrovert, if it is even possible at all. Do note that I am not using the term "introvert" in the conventional negative manner, but just as a personality trait.
I will tell you my experience. I was the first batch in my college, so never experienced any ragging. Job in my first company also went fine. Three years later, I joined a new company. There were 3 juniors (seniors were all well behaved), and seeing how soft spoken and timid I am, they used to make fun of me all the time. There was one lady who was senior to me, and she would defend me at times when this happens in front of her. I tolerated their behavior, never said anything back no matter how bad I felt, and usually just smiled at them. I also was thinking maybe I will get better, that I will get stronger one day to the point that these kind of behavior won't matter to me, or that I will one day get the strength to fight back. I waited for almost 1.5 years. Nothing happened! It came to a point that on some days I didn't even want to go to office because of that. The final result-I literally stopped talking to anybody in my team. If I were known as the silent guy earlier, now I have become the "that guy who sits in the corner, does the job, whether he comes or goes nobody cares" guy. I don't know how to act tough so that such people will leave me alone, so the only choice I have is to avoid everyone at all cost, observe for a very very long time who behaves in what manner, and then become friendly to those whom I am sure won't make me feel bad. Mind you, this is not because of my ego, but because of my desire to have a peaceful life, just so that I can focus on my work and move on.
When I got an onsite opportunity, one of the plus points I considered was that I can be away from these guys. Strangely, one of them already came to the same location I am working, and another one will be coming soon. Even though I had already decided never to have any interaction with that guy, I ended up letting him stay with me for 2 months until he got a car and was able to live independently. Being the “nice guy†I am, I never said anything even sarcastically to him in these two months.
What made things worse for me was that when I came to onsite, I had to stay with a guy who introduced me to his group of friends. He had only good intentions- probably after seeing me the way I am; he thought he could change me. His friends used to force me into drinking (which I absolutely hate, I don’t even drink any of those carbonated drinks usually), used to make fun of me, call me bad words when they get drunk, eat all the food I cook, wake me up in the middle of the night to make them food, make the house a mess etc. I was never used to any of these, and I was thinking what I experienced in office back in India was much milder than this. I actually wanted to go back to India, but knowing that these kinds of opportunities are hard to come by, I stayed. The moment I got a chance, I took my own apartment and moved out. If the experience in office made me not to socialize in office, this has made me afraid of even making new friends.
Initially, I used to think that may be these people don’t know how their behavior is making me feel. Just last week, I met my old roommate’s friends during lunch (we all work at the same customer location). I had actually changed my lunch timings just so that I won’t run into them. They were talking about gun control in US. In between, one of them jokingly said that considering the way he behaved with me, if I get hold of a gun, he would be the first target. I really don’t know why some people behave that way despite knowing well what they are doing.
Why did I say all these? Just so that people who defend such behavior should understand that not everybody has the capability of dealing with all things, which would appear so simple or harmless to them. It’s nobody’s business to mess around in another person’s life. If you think you can help, you are welcome. But even when you are offering help to someone, you have to be careful. That person may interpret that as “you considering him as a weak personâ€. I know some will think that I couldn’t deal with any of these because I was never ragged, but I would have probably dropped out of college if I were in the same state of mind back then as I am now.
